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Friday Check-In: Go Out and Fail!

07:47 Friday Check In Oct 25, 2024 12 comments 607 90

Download (10 MB, MP3)

Take a few minutes for yourself with me, and take a break. Breathe deeply, relax, remind yourself that you deserve to treat yourself well. And consider the benefits of being willing to fail at something...


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  • Marcusfconnelly on 2024-12-01 18:14:29 (UTC)

    Been seriously thinking things through since I last commented. I feel better generally but still far from perfect.

    This is a tough idea for me to grasp. It's not fear of failure holding me back. It's having already failed. There have been times where I've attemped something, fallen, got back up, tried again and failed harder. It hurts.

    Particularly on the dating side. At 33 I'm not sure there is any success to be had any more. What woman wants a man that old with no experience at all? I feel like a creepy old man when I think a 25 year old woman is pretty. Any idea how to get my brain off this track?

    • A Eve on 2024-12-01 20:56:17 (UTC)

      Well, for one thing, an eight year age gap is nothing, especially in your twenties and thirties, so don't worry about that. I think you might benefit from reframing what you're really looking for. Yes, you may find random women pretty, but what are you really looking for in a relationship? What are the qualities and values she should have? And in what situation might you find someone like this? Hint - it probably won't be on Tinder

      • Marcusfconnelly on 2024-12-03 12:07:35 (UTC)

        I think over time I came to believe that a guy with an intact v-card doesn't get to have standards. Beggars being choosers you know?

        Ideally I'd want someone understanding and patient. Someone who knows my natural awkwardness isn't on purpose and I am in fact trying to control it all the time.

        I agree though. TInder is just depressing at this point.

        • A Eve on 2024-12-03 13:27:01 (UTC) (edited)

          I think the biggest mistake men make with women is in assuming that we think about sex the way you do. You guys obsess over your "v-card" (please stop saying that to yourself, it's not helping you), your size, your ability to pleasure a woman, etc. We don't worry about any of that. Yes, a particular niche of women, who are very vocal on social media, talk about wanting hung guys, etc, but they are really in the minority.

          Do an experiment this week. Go to a mall, get a coffee, and just watch people for an hour. Look at couples. All ages, all types. See what you notice. I bet you'd be surprised at how many 'average' or 'awkward' guys there are with girlfriends. You'll also see babes and himbos together, no doubt, but ignore them. Look at real people, look at the types of girls average guys are with. See if you can learn anything - I bet you will.

          • Marcusfconnelly on 2024-12-11 14:55:56 (UTC)

            It's been a while since I did some real people-watching. I'll give it a try. Thanks, Eve.

            • A Eve on 2024-12-22 20:52:44 (UTC)

              Maybe not in the next few days! You'll get crushed by Christmas shoppers! But good luck!

  • MadWithLust on 2024-11-06 12:08:39 (UTC)

    I know this is great advice and it makes rational sense, but I always have such a hard time putting it into practice. I know you have to try and there are so many stories of people who succeed eventually. But failing bruises my fragile ego so easily! I usually can't bring myself to try and fail, just for the sake of trying. I need some kind of hope and a shot at instant gratification and success!

    But your spin on it is really interesting, to imaging not being able to fail. All the deepest hopes and dreams that you chalk up to being pipe dreams just jump right out!

    • A Eve on 2024-11-12 19:05:53 (UTC)

      Exactly! It's amazing how much we talk ourselves out of things just by default.

  • Rebell1ous on 2024-10-28 02:28:50 (UTC)

    As someone who recently decided to chase down a childhood dream that's still technically possible, this is truly touching. But the first step is always the hardest on a journey

    • A Eve on 2024-11-12 19:05:21 (UTC)

      I hope you're feeling good about your decision - I had to do that too, but I'm glad I chose to go the route I did.

  • Car54whereartthou on 2024-10-26 05:14:35 (UTC)

    Thank you for this Eve. It's an essential lesson that has far reaching impact. To be paralyzed to the point of making no attempt, means a waste of unused talent just waiting for the opportunity to achieve and share with those you love!

    • A Eve on 2024-11-12 19:04:52 (UTC)

      Absolutely! There's nothing worse!