Eve's Guide for Regular Guys: Episode 9 - Online Etiquette with Women

1:03:45 Eve's Guide For Regular Guys episode 9 / 13 May 13, 2017 30 comments 4609 783

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This is a very long episode, running a little over an hour, but there was a lot to say. This episode is based entirely on questions I've been asked and situations I've experienced, so please keep that in mind. As always, these are just my opinions, and if I seem to be making generalizations...that's because I am :)

In this episode I go through things like commenting on posts by women on social media/other places, contacting women who offer professional sexual services or content, and skyping during a new relationship. I also give you some suggestions for how to get more comfortable conversing with women (and men) online.

Websites legitimately dealing with how to talk to women online are incredibly hard to find - almost every one of them I found was some sort of ’get my free how to score with babes guide’ feeder. Please don’t fall for these things - the creators of these things are not experts, and these guides are just meant to sell you something or capture your email address to sell to spammers.

I did find a couple of useful articles you may find useful

Social anxiety

An article on flirting

Youtube video about commenting - a little disclaimer about this. I don’t know who this guy is, he could be an absolute asshat for all I know, but I thought his brand of commenting was a spot on satire of all the things guys do wrong. If he’s a completely misogynistic jerk and I just don’t know, please ignore.


Other audios in Eve's Guide For Regular Guys

Comments

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  • TheWeeSmallHours on 2017-05-20 06:04:52 (UTC)

    I'm loving this series, thanks again Eve for another intriguing and informative audio. What is your opinion on using the chilli or flame emogi to comment on a girl showing off her new outfit?

    • A Eve on 2017-05-21 14:24:26 (UTC)

      I think that's great - if a woman is showing off something, in other words she wants you to appreciate what she's chosen and how she looks, I think a cute emoji of a flame or a chili would be really cute.

      • TheWeeSmallHours on 2017-05-23 07:33:47 (UTC)

        Ok, thanks. Can I ask for your opinion on my username? It's based off a song that I relate to, In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning covered by Frank Sinatra. What do you think? It's the username I use on most sites. Too daggy?

        P.S Forgot to mention that after I re did my wardrobe, I received a lot of positive feed back from my girlfriends or more looks my way from strangers that I'd normally. It's gotten to the point where the lads want tips from me XD. So thankyou, thankyou, thankyou ;* ;* ;* <3. Love your work, I always feel confident and powerful after listening to your audios.

        • A Eve on 2017-05-24 20:37:53 (UTC)

          I'm so glad you feel good and that people are noticing, that's awesome!

          Your name is cool, especially for people who know the song. It may get shortened, but I doubt people will call you 'Wee' - they may just say WSH, or Hours. I know someone who calls himself Wee-Willie and I call him Willie :P

  • leytod on 2017-05-17 19:39:45 (UTC) (edited)

    Great audio, Eve! Regarding your #1 tip; this is, absolutely, what guys need to hear, because, it is, absolutely, something we guys are not natural at understanding. Equally, women need to understand a little more about men on this subject. We don't immediately attach "relationship" to our online experiences, especially, as you pointed out, online is an opportunity to try new things and present a different persona. Friendships, and more, can certainly form out of Internet message forums. But it's not always the first reason why guys sign up. Sometimes we're just drawn to the bright lights and loud sounds of the party.

    Oh, and who sends girls dic pics any more? I've switched to Shaft Shots.

    • A Eve on 2017-05-17 19:49:30 (UTC)

      haha I love Shaft Shots! (I just used Markdown like on reddit to turn that url into a link).

      Yes, I think there have been so many understandings based on intentions that it's crucial for guys to sort this out up front with any new girl they meet. Just like women should never assume a guy is looking for an exclusive thing, men shouldn't assume girls are looking for something quick and superficial.

      • leytod on 2017-05-18 01:52:07 (UTC)

        ... or "looking" for anything at all. Sometimes online compliments and praise really are just compliments and praise!

        • A Eve on 2017-05-18 10:49:26 (UTC)

          Absolutely, excellent point! It's such a mistake to think people are looking for any kind of relationship when they post or comment on posts.

  • MadWithLust on 2017-05-16 01:46:26 (UTC)

    I was surprised on some of these things, mostly on the perspective of a woman on the receiving end. Some of the things are just super difficult for me to comprehend as a guy. Like how the act of sending a dick pic is offensive, because I would welcome most boobie pics and only find it offensive it really offended my taste. I totally cracked up at the hidden dick pic story though, but I'm sure it's probably not as funny to be on the receiving end.

    P.S. Since it's totally appropriate for your audios and I think you'd appreciated it...I'm totally going to steal that Youtuber's comment when I'm commenting on one of your audios someday...: "My favourite part was probably when my dick fired a ten foot harpoon of jizz right out of my pants..." :P

    • A Eve on 2017-05-17 19:42:55 (UTC)

      haha I know, I laughed out loud at that. Reminded me of this

  • ChristopherPi on 2017-05-15 10:39:35 (UTC)

    Thank you Eve. Knowing that all of what you have mentioned of what NOT to do online is from what you have received personally, left me with a deep sense of sadness that you have had to endure so much. Thank you for your resilience and perseverance.

    • A Eve on 2017-05-17 19:41:58 (UTC)

      Aww, you're very welcome. Good guys outnumber the jerks by about a hundred to one, so you're more than worth the effort 💋

  • LeaDavenport1968 on 2017-05-14 10:46:05 (UTC)

    I'm really pleased you came back with episode nine Eve! I'm working through this course and hoped for more after eight as I've tried to follow your sage advice, apart from the wishboards which I've struggled a little with.It has been possible for me to be more open here than anywhere else, as you say this is progress. I message on Instagram, Twitter and FB too. So I'm getting there and all thanks to you! It must have sorely tempted you to just give that miscreant flasher a damn good crack with something! You know, open the window and smack it! Guys with no sense of decency at all bring out the worst in me! Given that Skyping is something that you've talked on before it would be great to work on something where we could all discuss a particular topic maybe episode ten or eleven on meeting people in the real World? I know this would require careful preparation but I think a lot of guys here would be keen. Also, I wouldn't ever compare performers and use that as a tool. I would just say that I know your content well enough to say this is what I prefer and would rather stay here than go elsewhere. Some of your guest performers sound like really intriguing ladies though I must add, especially enjoyed the comments on sizes from various guests. GWA ladies I think. Some of the content on GWA I just wouldn't like such as much harder fdom, nothing at all harder than your versions. So please give us guys more of these guides! Lea.

    • A Eve on 2017-05-14 19:00:58 (UTC)

      I will keep going as long as I think I have things to relate to you guys, things you can use. Thanks Lea! 😘

  • Georgio36 on 2017-05-14 05:35:39 (UTC) (edited)

    Eve this may be the best episode you've done so far. I wish i knew you a couple years ago when i first started learning how to talk to women lol 😄. I definitely took a lot of mental notes with this one. Around the 23 min mark of this audio; i found it soo helpful. The messaging stuff has always been hard for me. Im more use to voice communication. I do understand that sometimes you have to message for a lil while to get to know the person & get comfortable with each other. But for me, I've had women that i knew well just ignore me for no reason. I'll admit i do send a follow up message to see if everything is ok. Then the same thing happens again lol.

    So i learned the hard way that one message is the limit. I really appreciate the time, the effort, & thought you put into this. I will definitely follow your advice about messaging & comments. One thing i learned is look to see if the woman actually replies to some kind people. Some just look & move on. I think if you make your compliment retaining to whatever their post/picture is about & make it about who they are as a person; you are more likely to get a reply. I try to support you whenever i can & i do give from the heart. Sorry about this long comment. Happy Mothers Day to you even tho you probably not a mother lol. I feel like your generosity is amazing. Be Blessed Eve 🌸

    • A Eve on 2017-05-14 19:00:23 (UTC)

      haha thanks Georgio - no, I'm not a mother (except to Loki I guess)

      I know it's incredibly hard to figure out messaging, etc with women - which is why I always say that online communication is a good start, and good practice, but not a substitute for real world conversations. You will always get so much more out of a real world conversation.

  • cuddle_with_me on 2017-05-13 23:08:28 (UTC)

    Thank you for being honest and willing to share. 💓 I know there are a lot of people who need to hear it, and I think almost everyone picked up something from this, even if like me it was mostly a bunch of things you'd never do but didn't know people would even try. (I thought there'd be a lot more things that I'd been doing wrong and am relieved.)

    You've seen a lot and I can only hope that people straighten up and fly right. For all you do, you deserve to be treated like the positive, helpful, awesome woman that you are.

    • A Eve on 2017-05-14 18:58:34 (UTC)

      Aww, thank you Cuddles! 💋

  • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-05-13 21:02:15 (UTC) (edited)

    Thank you for this thoughtful and sensible installment to Eve's Guide. True, you didn't sugarcoat anything, but your frankness on these issues is what I highly value here. Some of what you say may make people really uncomfortable or provoke unsolicited ire, but judging from the veritable ocean of crassness and insensitivity out there on the Internet, it is something people really really need to hear.

    If anything made me squirm a bit, it was your point on being overly generous with financial support. I want to reiterate that your genuine concern for the well being of your supporters is heartwarming and sincerely appreciated; this kind of respect is rare when many business entities are only interested in taking our money. At my work I get asked about giving unjustified discounts fairly often, as if it's an entitlement, so I understand how deeply insulting it must be when some ask this of you, who already shares so so much for free but has bills to pay like everyone else. Myself, I give gladly but responsibly, without strings or expectation outside of what is expressly agreed upon by both parties (i.e. the Membership). Besides, I'd much rather you be doing what you love, than having to go work at Timmies. ;P

    And wow, your Patreon's been only up a couple days now, and ALREADY you are getting these requests for trials and such? It's almost unbelievable and I'm sorry you and other performers have to put up with this type of crap.

    UPDATE: I watched several of Erik's vids on YouTube, and I vouch he's not a raging misogynist or asshat (well, those guys he's satirizing might beg to differ on the latter.) In a segment of his video on 'nice guys' Erik spotlights a certain dating coach. This dating coach is EXACTLY the type of 'expert on talking to women' you warn us about. In one video he refers to women as 'targets' and gives his viewers tips on how to 'isolate' her from her friends so they can make their move. YIKES!

    • A Eve on 2017-05-14 18:58:13 (UTC)

      Oh that's good to hear! I want these types of guys exposed, I absolutely hate that kind of predatory pick-up-artist bullshit. If you start thinking of dating in terms of hunter vs prey, you're doing something very wrong

      • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-05-14 23:01:38 (UTC)

        That's how I see it too; it all comes back to the power of words doesn't it, and how they shape our mindset and define our interactions. It's why you work so hard to break the association of sex with words like dirty, filthy, nasty, etc. The lexicon of this seduction pseudoscience lends itself to an incredibly reductionist view of women, rendering it useless at best and harmfully counterproductive at worst to the men (and women) out there seeking quality long-term romantic relationships.

  • billymacorbuddy on 2017-05-13 19:28:05 (UTC)

    I was actually kind of nervous when I read the survey question yesterday. But, I voted yes anyway. I'd much rather be uncomfortable or embarrassed for a few minutes than be an oblivious ass all over the internet. And after all, communication is where the rubber meets the road so to speak. If we can't get that right everything else is kind of a moot point.

    Generally speaking, I think I'm doing alright in this area. I may have made a misstep here or there, but nothing I can't come back from. I haven't completely embraced the anonymity of the internet, I don't see wiping an account as an option, so I view my online activity as a reflection of myself in real life. And I never want to be viewed as the creep.

    It amazes me that "no dick pics" needs to be said. You wouldn't flash someone on the street, why would you do it online? Lastly, that youtube video was hilarious, unfortunately I don't think the people who comment like that care about anyone else's feelings. :\

    Thanks for another great and extremely relevant guide, Eve.

    • A Eve on 2017-05-14 18:57:00 (UTC)

      Thank so much Billy - I agree about the video, I just thought it was really funny and spot on :P

      • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-05-13 22:20:50 (UTC)

        Here's a meme phrase that sums up how a woman feels about backhanded comparisons:

        "Don't ever compliment me by insulting other women. That's not a compliment, it's a competition none of us agreed to."

        I've seen a fair few models put this up on their Instagrams for the benefit of a portion of their male follower base.

        • A Eve on 2017-05-14 18:56:31 (UTC)

          Yes, absolutely! I should have mentioned, never insult another woman to compliment one - "you're way hotter than so-and-so. Even though we can jealous of each other, this kind of pettiness doesn't make us feel good.

      • A Eve on 2017-05-13 21:54:04 (UTC)

        Well I was aware of that too (that the poll may have made this sound much worse). My only hesitation was that I know some listeners of this series are socially isolated and have real trouble talking to people. Their self-esteem has taken so many hits over the years that I honestly didn't know if they were ready to hear about things they might be doing wrong. It may sound like I'm not giving my listeners enough credit - I hope that's not how it comes across. I just didn't want to undo 8 episodes' worth of progress in building up self-esteem by introducing them to an hour long 'critique' that they weren't ready for.

        But I'll be back to my regular self next time, don't worry :)

        • Vermouth1991 on 2017-05-18 04:49:54 (UTC)

          By "poll", you mean the one on twitter announcing your plan to do this topic, and for us to vote if we want it to happen?

          • A Eve on 2017-05-18 10:50:04 (UTC)

            Yes - I had it here too, in Eve's Box

  • Murtaugh83 on 2017-05-13 19:19:46 (UTC)

    HI Eve, What an insightful episode, communicating online is definitely a great way to present your best self. Thanks for pointing out the numerous pitfalls and for allowing listeners to get over some shyness via username.It so great to have a chance to interact with someone so knowledgeable. This series has become like a multitool of reference,encouragement and education. By the way Murtaugh or Murtagh was a character in the first two Outlander books. A man that was often silent but one who could be relied upon in all situations, a man of true merit and worth.

    • A Eve on 2017-05-14 18:55:36 (UTC)

      Thank you so much, I'm very flattered. A multi-tool, I like that! And great user name too!😘