Eve's Guide for Regular Guys: Episode 15 - Ethical Porn

43:31 Eve's Guide For Regular Guys episode 15 / 18 Dec 12, 2017 27 comments 8276 2608

Download (59 MB, MP3)

This episode helps you deal with something that might be worrying you. If you’re looking for a relationship, and if like most men you enjoy porn, you may be concerned about what this says about your character or your attitude towards women. If you’ve ever experienced shame or guilt over watching porn, or if you’re concerned about whether porn can ever be ethical (or what that even means), this episode is for you.

Links

Utah tries to ban porn

Anti-porn program calling porn ’the enemy’

Section 18

My curated links site Eden

Porn Gatherer

Under the Covers with Eve - Porn Addiction

Ethical Porn for Dicks by Dr. David Ley


I’m pleased to announce that I’ve started a new site just for this series. It’s still being developed, so you can be my beta readers if you like - I will still be posting all the episodes here, but this site is for those who can’t access Eraudica in their country or at school, etc. (Visitors will be directed back to these posts if they want to download the episodes, at least for now.)

I can also add links to some Amazon books I recommend, and I can ask for Paypal donations to help me keep the series going. If you support me through this site or any other means, please don’t donate to the new site as well, you’ve done enough! That’s just for people who can’t or don’t want to support my erotic work.

Thanks for all your encouragement and support throughout this series, you’ve helped encourage me to develop this series and spread the word about it, and for that I’m very grateful.


Other audios in Eve's Guide For Regular Guys

Comments

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  • Perpetuous on 2017-12-17 11:06:26 (UTC)

    I think it's fairly interesting how my own porn "preferences" have changed over my "adult life" (...I am 25). When I was a teen, I obviously consumed a lot of porn and most of it was with those out-of-the-world women and guys you described at the start.

    Perfect bodies everywhere, I couldn't enjoy watching anything else and this actually lead to cloud my real life view on people. Perfectly fine looking women were not "great" looking for me because they didn't match that standard from porn.

    As I got older, I started to delve more into amateur porn and it's completely flipped that view. I can't watch any professional porn anymore, because it doesn't "feel" like real sex. Granted, my experience boils down to having sex exactly once in my entire life, but I enjoy looking at "real" couples having "real" sex. You know, laughing around, being passionate, touching each other sensually and just enjoying each other.

    Oh yeah, and it also made me a way bigger fan of the good old "boring" missionary position. If looking your partner into their eyes while making some sweet love is boring, then I don't wanna be exciting.

    Anyway, porn is always a touchy subject. This was a great episode once again. Porn is nothing bad, but sometimes you gotta reflect on how often you watch it and what you watch, because it might lead to problems.

    • A Eve on 2017-12-20 15:33:06 (UTC)

      I agree, and thanks very much for you insights. I think sometimes younger men need to hear from slightly older guys about their experience, so that they know their tastes and preferences can and do change over time. When it's a taboo subject that no one addresses, it can lead to a lot of isolation and misconceptions.

  • JI1 on 2017-12-15 12:20:08 (UTC)

    You can do an episode on self awareness ( eg. Myers Briggs Personality Indicator.) . It is by far most accurate.

    • A Eve on 2017-12-16 20:55:11 (UTC)

      Thank you, that's a great idea!

  • JI1 on 2017-12-15 04:35:39 (UTC)

    There are some people who can't live a happy life or don't want to and They have only one goals in life they'll not let anyone else live happily. Who should ignore 'em. Maybe we want help them but we can only help someone if they wanna help themselves . If they don't want to We must move on.( or they will curse us with their devastating nature ).

    • A Eve on 2017-12-16 20:56:53 (UTC)

      You're right - it's sad, but it's true that some people don't seem to want to be happy. I try to reach those who do, and those who may just be temporarily depressed or dispirited in the hopes of changing their minds.

  • Stargazer on 2017-12-14 10:12:25 (UTC)

    This was a very well done episode Eve. This is a topic most people don't want to talk about because of the taboo around it but it's something that needs to be addressed. Far too many people out there live in just a constant personal hell they've made for themselves due to how they think porn is perceived by people around them it's a terrible way to live (I should know I went through that for years growing up) and I sincerely hope that folks like that understand that it's not wrong to like porn or even indulge in fantasies from time to time. And when it comes to strange and extreme fetishes. I personally don't have a problem with people who are into that kind of stuff but only so long as it stays a fantasy and only a fantasy. The moment any of that super extreme, dangerous and sometimes out right illegal stuff tried to become a reality is when it has to stop. Other than that, the fascinations and ideas of the mind do nothing to harm the world around it and if that's what gets your gears going then fine just keep it a fantasy.

    • A Eve on 2017-12-14 20:17:35 (UTC)

      Thanks Star! I couldn't agree more, it does seem like a 'constant personal hell' for so many people, it's such a tragedy. Thanks for commenting! xox

  • SamuelXD on 2017-12-13 06:14:55 (UTC) (edited)

    A couple of things came to mind while listening. I enjoy watching porn because I find sexually stimulating, which allows me to release some sexual frustration as well as release any kind of jitters I may have during the day. I don't believe I'm addicted, because I would've been jacking off right now, instead of typing. Erotic audio allows me to be emotionally involved. When I first started watching porn, I found it to be like a forbidden secret; mainly because I wasn't of age. I was just curious to know what nudity or sex was. However, it was shameful to get caught and with good reason.

    After taking a couple of human sexuality courses as well as courses on gender, I learned that pornography is a business with women acting as the leading figures who actually have relatively more agency than their male counterparts (although I'm not sure this is the case). Watching porn does not affect how I view women at all. Porn actors are legitimate sex workers who engage in sexual activity as a profession.

    Even though I know that porn is a fantasy, there are people who view porn sex as sex in real life. Porn is not knowledge. Imagine doing anal with a girl who has never done so, with no prep work as well not douching. Imagine practicing BDSM with your partner, where neither of you have ever done it. Not fun and possibly very dangerous.

    With that, regarding porn consumption, the only unethical thing I have done is not paying for the porn I watch. It's hypocritical, especially since I've already said that porn is an industry and the actors should be compensated as such. Reminds me of the music business. Unfortunately, as a University student, money is spent pretty frugally; tuition, books, food and the occasional comic book (it has been a month since I bought one. I just don't have the time 😔). If I did, a chunk of it would go to porn and erotica audio (and your website 😉). Even so, I wouldn't spend my money, if it's gonna be a dom situation (i.e. humiliation or blackmail). For watching porn, my line is drawn at the kinky stuff and I refuse to watch any porn that makes me uncomfortable and make me feel degraded.

    The last thing I want to touch is the bullying/shaming of sexuality and porn. You probably know where I'm going with this. There was someone who took her own life a week ago, because she was cyberbullied and sex shamed for not performing with a male talent who has done gay porn, for safety reasons. I don't know the intricate details of performing scenes with other talent, but I do know that the talent has to be tested consistently for safety reasons. So, putting someone's health above a scene gets them cyberbullied? The thing that pissed me off was there was a hashtag someone tweeted out that said "#bringhomophobiaback". When did homophobia left? It's ironic that sex is still being shamed, when violence is actually viewed as normal.

    I'm realizing I'm writing too much, so the very last thing I'll say is I really like Chanel Preston's quote, since it sums up the episode really well. 😁

    • A Eve on 2017-12-14 20:16:35 (UTC)

      Thanks for that Sam - I actually wrote a blog post about August, you can read it here

      • SamuelXD on 2017-12-14 22:14:52 (UTC)

        You're welcome Eve. I read your post and you basically summed it up. It's mind blogging to think that sexuality is shameful, yet violence is passé. Bullying is a real thing, shaming someone for what they believe in and what they do is a real thing. For the people who shamed her and later retracted their comments, they said what they meant and meant what they said. I sincerely hope they do sleep well at night, considering they have blood on their hands for prompting someone to end their life.

        • A Eve on 2017-12-16 20:59:04 (UTC)

          The really sad thing is, with this and with examples of kids being bullied, it only tends to embolden the people who caused it. I don't know why that it is, maybe they just dig in their heels and become even more belligerent - but it's really awful. The number of people saying she deserved to die is just dreadful.

    • Georgio36 on 2017-12-13 22:51:19 (UTC) (edited)

      @Samuel hey don't feel about writing that lovely passage above lol. I wrote one in similar length myself 😂. Like I said in my comment(s) below when it comes to topics like these; sometimes a simple few sentences is not enough to express some our experiences with these issues.

      I think what you said was great to read. I love to hear/read about other guys experiences with these kinda things. After all this is a community & we should be help & talk to each other about anything. Just make sure you take care of yourself & your needs first. Don't let porn ruin you emotionally & financially. Go buy yourself a comic book & a nice dinner. I plan to myself soon. Have a great rest of your week 🌟

      • SamuelXD on 2017-12-13 23:20:36 (UTC)

        Just to clarify, porn has not ruined me emotionally & financially. I'm just saying that I tend to spend my money very carefully, so purchasing porn was something I didn't do. If I did watch porn where financial domination comes into play, then I won't do it But, I do understand what you're trying to say though 😁

        • Georgio36 on 2017-12-14 10:15:12 (UTC)

          Hey its ok, i understand what you mean. Thanks for clarifying things. I just wanted to send some kind words your way 😊✨

  • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-12-12 23:47:34 (UTC) (edited)

    I'm on the same chapter as you regarding porn consumption, though it hasn't always been that way, really only in the past year; both your erotic and non-erotic work has played a big part in helping me rehabilitate my sexuality and perspective on my own self-worth, and you probably hear that a lot from people who write in to you. Admittedly I backslide into entrenched habits at times (like when I hit a lazy/horny funk and I just want to pull up a raunchy-looking thumbnail on Pornhub or xhamster, which I'd be willing to bet is stolen content), so I appreciate, right down to the marrow, your mantra of "progress not perfection." It's easier then not to excoriate myself about it afterward as if I had fallen off the sobriety wagon. I'm grateful to be aware that ethical erotica with an emotionally-fulfilling component exists as a better alternative to conventional porn, and that I'm not hopelessly mired in the time-consuming quest for the next shocking/extreme fetish as countless many others must still be.

    I know of three adult performers I've seen in porn who maintain a more SFW presence on YouTube, Alix Lynx and Johnny & Kissa Sins. Hearing them speak of their positive experiences in the industry and what they like to do in their personal time does a terrific job of underlining their high degree of personal agency: far from the stereotypes of being drugged or otherwise coerced, these are savvy, grounded, ordinary people working on their own terms and they're living the (very cool!) lives they want at the same time. For me, it really goes a long way toward taking the shame out of viewing porn involving these very human actors when you know you're supporting their work, which in turn enables them to pursue their goals and happiness in their own lives. This looks ethical to me, even as their porn falls squarely in the mainstream.

    A most excellent discussion as always, Eve, and I'll say, that quote of yours, "..stop and ponder the ethical implications of your boner." struck me as highly inspired! 🤣 And best wishes for your new site - I hope it serves well to broaden the reach of your wisdom (especially for the sake of those who don't feel comfortable visiting or hanging out here on eraudica.com).

    • A Eve on 2017-12-14 20:20:03 (UTC)

      Thanks so much Charlie, that's what I hope anyway! I've been so busy doing these new adjuncts to Eraudica it'll be nice to get back to doing what I love best - erotic audio :P

      I love that you linked to those Youtubers, that's exactly what we need to see more of. 😘

  • Georgio36 on 2017-12-12 22:09:13 (UTC)

    My word Eve, this one was definitely eraudical to cosume mentally lol 😄. But you made some very good valid points that makes us men think. Honestly i think the media has made it this bad thing to like porn or sex a lot & you see with all these allegations against men without any proof; can make us feel bad/scared & even cautious about things or women we like.

    The media is very damaging & if your parents catch you at young age watching porn & they shame you out for it. That can really mess with a man's head.

    We shouldn't feel bad about good ethical porn like you said. Ethical means something is suppose to feel right to us or show the difference between whats good & feels wrong.

    • Georgio36 on 2017-12-12 22:09:39 (UTC) (edited)

      The porn/sex stuff i don't (i may have told you this before) is the whole verbal & physical abuse stuff. I don't like seeing a woman being call a bitch, slut, being slapped or spit on in any kinda setting no matter if its consensual or not. I like more amateur style sex with big/curvy women or women who look normal where they are clearly enjoying themselves & not looking bored or faking orgasms.

      I like porn that has nurturing women/aspects in it. So i usually search for that. I wont feel bad about liking that or those kinda women who are the motherly types.

      The only time porn is a big problem is when you are ignoring your wife/gf & she clearly wants to sleep with you or if you can't do your daily activities. That's when a man should worry.

      Anyways thanks for this wonderful discussion on porn Eve. I like that i can talk about this with you & i feel better about it. Best wishes with your new site. It looks lovely so far 🌺 (edit this to fix grammar errors lol)

      • Georgio36 on 2017-12-12 23:26:18 (UTC)

        I just realized i wrote too much here =/. This is a very complex topic that i feel is hard to summarize & express my thoughts on in just a couple sentences. But i made it through that audio lol

        • A Eve on 2017-12-14 20:18:42 (UTC)

          I'm always glad to read comments, Geo, don't worry. I'm glad you're thinking about this stuff and expressing yourself, it's an important topic. xox

  • Jandrusel on 2017-12-12 19:50:00 (UTC)

    Though I do agree on you on the fact that there's nothing wrong with watching porn (it's just another way to consume sexuality in a healthy, STD-free, way) I still can't bring myself to enjoy pornography. I've become entirely desinsitized to it after years and years of exposition. Some sites like Joymii or NubileFilms feel even worse to me, because they represent the kind of sex I desire and long for. I don't like to blame porn but sometimes I feel like it has "broken" me. I feel no sexual attraction towards women (even the most gorgeous ones). I know this line of thinking it's not rational but it's the way I feel. What's left then? Am I asexual? Maybe. But thinking about it brings nothing but despair upon me.

    I'm sorry Eve. I guess sexuality was not meant for me. Recent abusive experiences with women have not helped either. I'll keep listening to this episode whenever I feel better :_(

    • A Eve on 2017-12-12 21:43:19 (UTC)

      Aww I'm so sorry to hear that! Don't give up hope, you may just be 'burnt out' at the moment, and you may be stinging from some bad experiences, but it doesn't mean good ones aren't possible.

      Even if you decide that you aren't strictly heterosexual, or if you're asexual, it's all okay - just let yourself be who you are, and don't believe that something definitely 'isn't for you'.

      If you think porn is a problem for you, then by all means take a break from it. It might be all you need.

      take care xox

  • tralfamador on 2017-12-12 18:48:40 (UTC)

    I really liked and agreed with the part about moral dogma/finger pointing/shaming over normal sexual desires. I think a dark side effect of this is that when sexuality is pushed into the underground and when people are unable to discuss sexual frustration, it morphs into the unhealthy habits and kinks you discuss later in the episode.

    On a lighter note, if you haven't already run into this you may find it funny.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuck_for_Forest

    https://www.fuckforforest.com/

    Basically it is eco-charity porn. An interesting point to bring to the ethics of porn debate to say the least.

    • A Eve on 2017-12-12 21:41:12 (UTC)

      That's awesome, thanks for sharing that!

      There have been a few instances of 'adult entertainment' used to help charities, most notably the Page 3 models in the UK, who used to make PSA's about cancer, raise money for war veterans and breast cancer, etc. Sadly it was their involvement in charity work that riled up people the most (I guess most people just wanted them to stay smutty and not do anything moral, that was just too uncomfortable) and it led to the Sun cancelling the Page 3 feature. But while it was going on, it was great to see them raise money for a great cause.

  • MrDindon on 2017-12-12 05:04:59 (UTC)

    Thank you Eve for this really interesting talk. The way you see this subject is very close if not exactly the same as i see it. The way that i see it is if a behavior is destructive in any way for yourslef or for others it's unethical. That can be mentaly, physically, economically, (insert reason here),... There is clearly a grey zone between healthy and destructive behaviours that needs to be addressed. For me this can apply not just in porn but pretty much everywhere. I'm not perfect following that logic but i'm not going to base my ethical point of view on my behaviours but on the way it's best for everyone. I have to say that i'm always working on getting as close as possible to that logic.

    • A Eve on 2017-12-12 21:37:58 (UTC)

      Merci Mr Dindon - You're right, I think it's a pretty sound way of looking at mos things. xox