Under the Covers with Eve - Episode 20: Meeting the Right Person

37:00 Under the Covers with Eve episode 20 / 34 Jan 24, 2016 22 comments 4507 1077

Download (67 MB, MP3)

In this discussion, I go through 10 things I think are necessary in any potential partner, and why.

Also, some thoughts on the wisdom of meeting someone online first, before you ever meet face to face.

Mentioned in this audio:

Plenty of Fish

Why Online Love is More Likely to Last

Psychopaths and Sociopaths

The Sharpie Disguise

Other dumb criminals


Other audios in Under the Covers with Eve

Comments

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  • captspacemonkey on 2019-08-22 19:08:36 (UTC)

    I think there's some very good advice here, but I don't think we're addressing the elephant in the room. We are here because we aren't the top picks for women. Women and men tend to use dating sites very differently. Men tend to cast a wide net, and women tend to be much more selective. Dating sites are incredibly bleak for men. I've spent years trying multiple sites, and tweaked my profiles over and over to the best of my ability. The few matches I've gotten barely respond, if at all. I'm not a shallow person. I don't only pick based on pictures, and like I said men tend to cast a wide net. How can being more selective help us. I think your advice is great otherwise. I completely agree with you about what's best to look for in a mate, but most of us don't get those opinions. Internet dating has been gamed. If you'd like to see what I mean make a average mans profile, and observe the soul crushing rejection. I think your advice for gwa and forums is much better.

    • captspacemonkey on 2019-08-22 19:20:13 (UTC) (edited)

      I'd also like to share a link for a app that's in development that doesn't use pictures at first. They've got a lot of very good ideas. It looks like they're trying to fix all that's wrong with online dating.

      • A Eve on 2019-08-24 23:11:16 (UTC)

        Back in the day, the early days of online dating, a few sites like Match and eHarmony spent a lot of time actually matching people based on several compatibility factors. It didn't guarantee a love connection, and of course it didn't stop some people from choosing only by looks, but at least they made the effort to establish that people need to connect on a deeper level than just appearance. I think Tinder is a step in the wrong direction, focusing only on looks.

  • Babybae on 2017-09-06 13:07:26 (UTC)

    I feel like this series needed to be in a different setting. This is the one I am currently listening too in non-sleep times but on the Eve Eliot YouTube (which gets no love btw) Full disclosure, I found the HFOs first when I was looking for a decent ASMR, ideally was hoping for something like Eve's Sweet Nothings series, but I dont care for the little clicks and boops of the tounge in most of ASMRs. Honestly I love Eve and all her audio EXCEPT her 2 ASMRs. Immersion ruined. Anyway, just expressing my path to discover the true value of a content creator as talented as EVE. I was hooked easily by sex audio, but now I feel I need to discover the entire community of audio uploaders I didn't know existed until now. I even recorded a 2 min demo but dont know what to do with it yet.

    • A Eve on 2017-09-07 17:51:52 (UTC)

      ASMR isn't for everyone, not everyone experiences the 'tingles' (I don't personally) and I understand how it can throw you out of the immersion.

      You should try uploading your demo to Gone Wild Audio - it's a very welcoming community for new erotic audio performers, I'm sure you'll have a great time there.

  • Jandrusel on 2016-01-26 22:14:37 (UTC)

    Lovely podcast as always, Eve. I already had some ideas, but your decalogue is far better well-thought than mine. Overall, everyone has their own idea of a 'perfect partner', but your remarks are, more or less, what everyone of us wishes in a partner. One of the things I search in a woman is intelligence. As my grandpa said, "if she has something abover her shoulders, you're good to go".

    On a personal note, I really hope that there's a woman out there who can handle my weird quirks. Like doing raspy blues vocals out of nowhere and my Frank Zappa obsesion (Great Googly Moogly!).

    I'm a little uncomfortable with online dating. I wanted to try it - due to my friends pressure - so I could, at least, lose the fear of being on a date with a woman. Even if there's only talking involved. However, everytime I try to use these websites or apps, I cannot help but feel bad. It feels like I'm looking through a catalog for 'women on sale' and I'm judging them by their looks. Granted, they would do the same thing at first glance, but still, I still struggle with thoughts.

    Oh dear, I'm rambling again. Thanks, teacher Eve :D

    • A Eve on 2016-01-28 15:32:06 (UTC)

      haha you're welcome, Student Jandrusel! :D

  • MadWithLust on 2016-01-26 00:51:11 (UTC)

    Good points as always! Thanks for not taking the easy way out and going "well, the right person is out there, just go out there and meet them" or "Just be yourself".

    I took a lot of the points and found that I didn't meet some of the criteria either. You made a great point about adoring someone not being enough (even though I think I'd make an excellent big spoon...). It's just so natural to hope for mutual adoration and then just crazy love and happiness (and monkey sex)!

    Oh, and I thought that making sure they're sane should have been the very first point you made. ;P

    • A Eve on 2016-01-26 11:53:21 (UTC)

      haha good point! I guess I should have said 'in no particular order' :D

  • SanchoPansexual on 2016-01-25 22:18:33 (UTC)

    After thoroughly enjoying the latest installment of your little Sunday night show, there still remain two questions unanswered for now:
    What is this '(crazy) monkey sex' you keep referring to and are you going to explore this curious topic any further in the near future?
    #ConquêteDeLaPlanèteDesSinges

  • sh9084 on 2016-01-25 16:43:13 (UTC)

    Good advice Eve!
    And about your advice on meeting people online, I find it similar to your under the cover episode 16, "Don't meet a woman," which basically the idea is to look to meet a great human being, instead of a person to just fuck. (That is if one is looking to have a romance or lasting relationship.) Again personality and qualities other than looks matter too.

  • Arcturus on 2016-01-25 07:46:38 (UTC)

    Good food for thought. Yay! to the Lord of the Rings reference.

    • A Eve on 2016-01-25 09:45:25 (UTC)

      Yay Galadriel! 💕

  • cuddle_with_me on 2016-01-25 07:21:31 (UTC)

    Great advice, and the stat about online relationships makes sense. I wonder how much higher it would be if no one showed the other person their photo for a month...

    • sh9084 on 2016-01-25 16:50:15 (UTC) (edited)

      One problem with no picture on online dating sites or apps, especially the free ones is that if the profile is without a picture then people assume that the person behind the profile is scamming, extremely horrible looking, or has no confidence. Thus this would result in no return messages or anyone making the initial contacts. Of course, there are scammers with fake pictures and profiles too, but I suppose having a picture is a must in current dating sites or apps.

      Perhaps a new site that does not reveal picture of the member until each party has interacted several times (like need to interact say 20 times in a month or so?) may show interesting results, but I don't know if people will buy into this idea though.

      Edit: I suppose there are apps and sites that does this. For instance, I found a few stuff; Twine, Loveflutter, and perssonalitymatch.net. I don't know how effective or good they are though.

      • cuddle_with_me on 2016-01-25 19:20:33 (UTC)

        Yes, of course this could be a problem, just as people misrepresenting themselves or lying about who they are is an issue in general. And of course trolls are an issue online. There are ways for dating sites to verify reasonably well that there's a real person there without necessarily spilling everything to the paired up matches.

        However, I was thinking more of common interest sites where the pressure is pretty much off and becoming friends is much easier. Dating or matchmaking sites are good tools, but most relationships don't come out of using them, they happen organically.

        • sh9084 on 2016-01-25 21:34:35 (UTC)

          My apologies. For some reason, I was thinking that you were referring to dating sites.

          • cuddle_with_me on 2016-01-25 22:20:43 (UTC)

            No need to apologize, I didn't not mean them either. ;)

      • A Eve on 2016-01-25 18:22:24 (UTC)

        I agree, if you're going to a dating site specifically, a picture is kind of unavoidable. But if you're going to go the trouble of going this route, at least get some pictures done by a pro. I don't mean Sears Portrait Studio either, so you look like that pair from Stepbrothers :D Look in your local Craiglist type thing for photographers who do things like engagement and wedding photos, etc, and ask for some natural, candid, normal shots of you outdoors. It shouldn't cost you more than about $50 depending on who you choose, but it could be your best bet at showing off your best side on a picture-based site

    • A Eve on 2016-01-25 09:46:07 (UTC)

      That's what I'm thinking...almost like that US tv show The Voice, where the judges can't see the person, they can only judge them based on their voice.

  • Pogo on 2016-01-25 03:32:32 (UTC)

    Wise words as ever. Really makes me sit and reflect on my past and realise there's been some genuine sociopaths in there! :D xx

    • A Eve on 2016-01-25 09:46:26 (UTC)

      haha I think we can all say that, sadly :D