Eraudica

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• Easy on 2021-06-12 20:08:00 (UTC)

  All,

  I wanted to give some advice and add to what Eve was saying. My number 1 rule is “You always want what you can’t have”. If everytime you go out and your intention is to find a gal you won’t find one. You have to go out with the mindset that you just want to meet people. I have always met someone unintentionally. Remember my #1 rule, you can use that to your advantage. You have to act like you don’t want the gal that you are attracted to. Like don’t overly give her a lot of attention. Mostly for a good looking gal, since she most likely gets hit on a lot just because of her looks. So you don’t want to do the same thing that all the other guys do. One other piece of advice, if you go out feeling down and not happy, a gal won’t be attracted to you. You have to be happy and upbeat. No gal will want to talk to you if you have a frown on your face and you are moping around.

  Ez/Zorin

  • A Eve on 2021-06-15 12:43:22 (UTC)

    good advice...and I love the use of "gal" :P

• charles on 2020-08-18 15:40:59 (UTC)

  "Women don't dress up for men. They do it for themselves and other women; not to attract, but to compete"

  Would you mind elaborating more on this competition and its meaning?

  (..you can just provide links to articles, if you want :))

• CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-10 10:00:08 (UTC)

  Hi Eve,

  I wish I'd heard something like this around fifteen years ago when I was an intensely self-absorbed negotist (I had to LOL when I heard you coin that word on-the-fly in the UTCWE shyness episode.) As a negotist, whenever I saw a hottie I presumed that I had nothing to offer and so counted myself out before giving her the opportunity to reject me, or else I assumed that because she was hot she was already taken. I was 100% certain rejection would crush me to my very core, like it was an article of faith, so I never tried. And I think that's normal owing to our animal trait of being generally averse to painful stimuli. In retrospect it seems so juvenile, but back then I never really reflected upon the subjectivity of it all. As for regrets on missing out, they never do help matters much in the present so I don't dwell on them for overlong and I find that for me, at least, that is a much healthier and liberating attitude to have.

  On meeting people (with finding a romantic partner as a fortuitous by-product), it is of course no suprise that your advice mirrors so closely that of professional networking, whether to get hired or build your client base as an entrepreneur. I developed my social interaction skills over a long time only after jumping into the deep end and working in a busy retail environment, where you have no choice but to be at least personable if you are going to convince anyone to buy anything or last long without suffering some kind of emotional burnout. And I didn't have the luxury of being selective either. It was my job to interact with a broad spectrum of people, highlights ranging from pro shoplifters to pro hockey players, or *laughs* characters who were just high on weed.

  So, including the Shyness episode, I am halfway through this series, and the more I hear the more I think you'd make a terrific personality on a national radio program. In these episodes you say things people REALLY need to hear no matter how blunt, and I have heard nothing but good Canadian common sense so far. Certainly nothing that warrants the vicious blowback and entitled demands you received that were so bad you removed the episode and disabled comments. I am so sorry that wonderful free content creators all over the Web even have to experience this abuse as an occupational hazard and tough themselves through it. I sincerely hope 2017 will turn out better for you in this regard. If it doesn't, then take please heart in the words of those who deeply respect you and value your work; it's plain from all the comments here that we are the majority and our support will drown out the detractors.

  I want to end this comment on a positive note, so I will say again that I LOVE your word negotism and I shall incorporate it into my vocabulary forthwith! Had I a flux capacitor juiced up with 1.21 gigawatts I'd tell my past self to "Quit being such a goddamned negotist!"

  • A Eve on 2017-03-10 16:59:04 (UTC)

    Thanks so much, Charlie, I really appreciate it. It is tough to put yourself out there with virtually any opinion these days, I feel like there are people just waiting, eagerly, to be offended so they can let their fingers fly. I appreciate hearing from reasonable people, even those who disagree, and I'm certainly glad you're enjoying the series, so thank you again 💋

• leytod on 2016-01-14 17:46:59 (UTC)

  In 2014 your sexy voice made me want to hear you read everything to phone books and cooking recipies. In 2015 I became hooked on your Under The Covers series. In 2016, UTC is what I most look forward to hearing more of. A beautiful woman with increadible voice and smarter-than-me brains too? PRONG! I'm awake!

  • A Eve on 2016-01-14 20:45:54 (UTC)

    Haha aww, thank you! That's so nice to hear!

• cuddle_with_me on 2015-12-29 11:32:56 (UTC) (edited)

  This is great advice throughout. 💕 It's a bit like how the people who get rich almost never got there by wanting money while there are so many people who shot for that and missed. They get a secondary, perverse incentive and it blinds them.

  You opened my eyes a while back when you first described that women aren't dismissive of people who are "nice", it's just that too often, they don't show enough of what they would have to offer, what there would be for the woman to love, why this is someone who you'd want to be around and share your life with. What "bad boys" exude is at least that they don't see it as strange that people would be attracted to them, and so people are.

  Being comfortable in your own skin is basically giving people license to imagining themselves together with you without needing a repair kit to fix you all up first so that you may love them back. Some people might not mind bringing the repair kit, but it's unnecessarily limiting.

  I'd say hit on whoever you'd like. Maybe the seemingly superficial hottie (and by hottie I don't mean it in the absolutely super hottie sense like "playboy model", just "attractive enough to be otherwise pretty intimidating to you") isn't superficial, and has just been waiting for someone of the type who's usually shy to overcome their fears. Maybe she's not impressed by people hitting on anything that moves and to which she's replaceable, but values the effort of someone who has to overcome something and thinks this person will give her more. Maybe she's been afraid to talk to you. (This is beginning to sound like a guide to encountering animals... "she's just as afraid of you as you are of her"... 😉) But as Eve says, also be prepared for it to not be the case. And if it isn't, also be prepared to dust yourself off, get over it and not resent her for not immediately liking you.

  Resentment in general is a horrible idea. No one ever owes anyone else love. It's all about convincing people why what you could give them is something they need. And that may sound like smarmy sales tactics, but it just means not hiding the part of yourself that they could see themselves loving. And shyness, for all its charm, does amount to hiding it, as Eve so brilliantly points out.

  I think it's been a very lovely first year for Eraudica and it's been so sweet seeing you take this stage and make it yours. I hope it's been all you wanted and that year two will go even better. 😘🎈❤️

  • A Eve on 2015-12-29 20:14:17 (UTC)

    Thank you so much! It has been even better than I could have imagined, and I can't wait to see what the next year brings

• IListenForTheArticles2 on 2015-12-28 19:43:09 (UTC)

  I'm saposexual. If I met a woman with your wit/humor, I'd find her attractive.

  Grats on one year and Happy New Year!

  • A Eve on 2015-12-29 20:13:46 (UTC)

    Yay!!! We need more people like you!

    And thank you, same to you!

• Jandrusel on 2015-12-28 19:26:08 (UTC)

  Thinking about it, it's a really good piece of advice. Sometimes, I get too caught up in the process of 'finding someone' that I forget all the other things I already have. You should be working on your social skills first, then you can move onto other things from there. Also, I know it sounds topical, but doing regulare exercise and trying meditation can really help you. Thanks to that, I'm more relaxed and confident in my own skin than never before. Just my two cents.

  Happy 2016 for you and for everyone!

  • A Eve on 2015-12-29 20:13:29 (UTC)

    thank you so much, and I'm very glad you're feeling more relaxed and confident!

• cen21 on 2015-12-28 17:37:19 (UTC)

  Thank you!

  I have often been told that I should commit more in dating websites (tinder, etc..) if I want to find a girl, while I was thinking that it would be better to spend time focusing on myself (activities, lifestyle).
  I was starting to doubt, but now I see that I am not the only one thinking that way!

  • A Eve on 2015-12-29 20:13:13 (UTC)

    No you aren't! It's a great idea to explore more of your own interests, no matter what happens

• Pogo on 2015-12-28 02:42:34 (UTC)

  Thank you Eve, that really pointed out a lot of things I need to remember for the year ahead xx

  • A Eve on 2015-12-28 13:26:06 (UTC)

    I'm so glad! Thank you for listening, and all the best in 2016 💋

• SomeRandomGuy on 2015-12-28 00:01:02 (UTC)

  Now I totally have a valid reason for why I don't have any plans on New Year's Eve! I'm just keeping safe like Eve told me to!

  • A Eve on 2015-12-28 13:26:23 (UTC)

    haha I just said don't drink and drive, I didn't say don't do anything :D

• LonelyFenrir on 2015-12-27 23:35:03 (UTC)

  This is great advise. Something I'll have to keep in mind over the new year. Maybe once school starts up and I see how much time I have between that and work, I'll try to find someplace to volunteer or a group to join. I really need to become more social.

  • A Eve on 2015-12-28 13:27:40 (UTC)

    Aww, well I think it's a challenge for most of us. I need to take my own advice, in fact. I tend to get so caught up in work (and when you're self-employed there's no network of work colleagues to socialize with) that I really miss just being able to hang out with people.

    Here's to a better 2016 for everyone ❤️