Under the Covers with Eve - Episode 32: Rejection

33:37 Under the Covers with Eve episode 32 / 34 Aug 23, 2016 29 comments 2471 490

Download (46 MB, MP3)

In this episode I talk about something we’ve all experienced- rejection. Here are some ideas you may not have considered about what rejection means, and how to deal with it.

Links mentioned

Survey results

Gone Wild Audio

GWA Backstage

Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang

Seinfeld clip - Jodie doesn’t like George

Famous books rejected


Other audios in Under the Covers with Eve

Comments

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  • Nejove on 2017-05-10 05:09:56 (UTC)

    I find myself very interested by what you said regarding meeting people online, but not on dating sites with that as the express purpose. It seems to simultaneously make sense and sound less than promising.

    On the one hand, it allows you to put personality and interests first while avoiding the shallow judgements of venues devoted to meeting someone, which seems to just make sense for introverts especially. It's also very flexible compared to meeting in person due to the convenience of technology.

    On the other hand, it seems to have some real issues, though. We learn from childhood on to protect our private information, limit what we share online, and avoid or be very careful meeting online friends in person. We're also sometimes told that online relationships are shallow and no substitute for real human-to-human interaction, largely because it's easy to misrepresent yourself or present only a specific side of yourself online. At least in many situations, isn't this good advice? Is it perhaps something we have to selectively un-learn in specific cases?

    And then there's another big obstacle to meeting people online and forming intimate relationships: geography. Meeting someone you really like or feel close to online is all well and good, but unless one of you is willing and able to move or travel great distances, meeting in person regularly, truly going on dates, and various other things as the relationship progresses become difficult or impossible if you don't just so happen to live near each other. If you're not on an online platform where you can meet people by location, the chances of the people you come to like just so happening to live near you seems pretty slim. If as many relationships as you claim begin in places like GWA, how do so many people form them in spite of geographical limitations? Do they just get lucky and live nearby, probably in a major metropolitan area? Or are that many people willing to travel great distances for these things?

    • A Eve on 2017-05-10 14:10:06 (UTC)

      In the cases I know about, distance has sometimes been an issue, but not an insurmountable one. Many people have moved to be with their new partner. Remember that a lot of people on GWA are between 18-24 without a lot of roots where they are. It's not too overwhelming to consider moving to another area for a relationship, considering that it is the most important thing in most people's lives.

      • Nejove on 2017-05-11 00:23:41 (UTC)

        Now that you mention it, I guess that makes sense. For most people love and sex are easily among the top five most important things in their lives along with stuff like their health, their career, and platonic friendships. For those trying to "break out of their shell," reinvent themselves, or start fresh, moving to a new area may not be a bad way to start a new chapter in life and force themselves to open up in order to build new social supports, as well. By no means does it seem like it would ever be easy, though. I'm probably just more apprehensive about the idea personally than most young adults are, but even I admit that there are opportunities associated with it as well as difficulties and adjustments.

  • leytod on 2016-09-04 01:35:00 (UTC)

    Excellent, as always

    • A Eve on 2016-09-04 20:20:09 (UTC)

      Thank you! ❤️

  • YouAreMySunshine on 2016-08-30 15:38:19 (UTC)

    There have been times Ive been rejected directly or indirectly in several sorts of situations and cases. But these rejections ended up showing me where I really belong and what conditions are best suited for me. They were like a guide that slowly and gradually paved my way to getting to know what I really need and what I dont!! So, today, I am quite happy that I faced rejections back then.
    The most important thing was that i never let a rejection change me for the worse. I made sure that I brought about some positive changes in meh and just let go of the things I couldn't change at all!
    Keep 'em UTC episodes coming Eve!
    I wish I could kiss your neck (Adam's apple to be specific). You think that would heal your voice? :p

    • A Eve on 2016-09-01 18:34:14 (UTC)

      aww, it just might, thank you❤️

  • MadWithLust on 2016-08-29 10:46:53 (UTC)

    I'm so glad you're keeping this series going! I don't think there is insight and discussion about issues like this anywhere else!

    I love the cake example! It works so amazingly well. It's just really hard to keep that in perspective. If you're a "plain cake" on the menu with cakes with frostings and cakes with fillings and you see those cakes get ordered all the time, it's just so discouraging. As a guy, it seems like it's much easier for me to fall in love with a girl, i.e. I always seem to want the girl's cake more than she wants mine. I never seem to get the feeling that we both want each other's cake.

    But I could be oblivious too. :P

    • A Eve on 2016-08-30 11:16:13 (UTC)

      haha I know, it's not always easy. But everyone has been there, feeling like the plain cake, or having to watch all the scrumptious ones get chosen first. It's a sad part of life. I just wanted to remind that you there's nothing wrong with your creamy filling :P

      • MadWithLust on 2016-08-30 23:20:09 (UTC)

        LOL! Now that's a "Zinger"! :P

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zingers

        • A Eve on 2016-09-01 18:34:56 (UTC)

          mmmm looks good :P

      • NowhereMan on 2016-08-30 14:52:42 (UTC)

        And with that a new idea for an erotic audio was born.

        • YouAreMySunshine on 2016-08-30 15:39:39 (UTC)

          Haha!! XD

  • Jandrusel on 2016-08-24 14:54:28 (UTC) (edited)

    Rejection sucks, yeah. No way around that. But the trick is to not take it personally. That was tough for me to understand, but it's an unvaluable lesson I'll try to never forget.

    I for one, have met a decent amount of girls this year. Turns out, every single one of them had a boyfriend. Did that discourage me? Well, yes. For the first three or four times. But instead of wallowing in my self-pity ('I have suck a terrible luck') I just go along with it. It's my own personal streak. Like the Undertaker's streak of winnings at Wrestlemania, but mine is less 'glamourous'... xD

    I'm happy that many people have found love through GWA. But I'm not sure that would work on me. Hell, I've tried the Internet as a way to meet people and, all around, it has not been good. Even if it's hard, I make a better impression in reality, because I can display my quirks, my jokes and myself. A sample text on a dating site or a forum it's not the same.

    Another lesson that Eve doesn't mention but everyone could use at some point. Laugh at yourself. Seriously. Take it easy and laugh. One time I've asked a girl's name after bragging about my incredible memory and after she told me her name ten minutes before. How can you screw it like that? Well, I did. And both of us laughed about it.

    Laugh about it if you can, and move on to the next beat thing. Someone, at somepoint, won't reject you no matter how big of a nerd, or shy or doofus you are. I know because I'm all of three.

    Make sure to take care of your sweet voice, Eve.

    • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:56:19 (UTC)

      That's great advice, Jan. And I'm feeling better already, just a bit of scratchiness and throat clearing now. :D

    • ChocPanda on 2016-08-24 17:24:52 (UTC)

      Dude i hope one day you find your sexy Brock Lesnar and she can break that streak for you XD hahahaha such imagery.

      • Jandrusel on 2016-08-24 20:40:58 (UTC)

        Hahaha! I hope so! I wouldn't mind going to Suplex City for her! Haha! Thanks, mate.

        • ChocPanda on 2016-08-25 02:56:47 (UTC)

          Suplex city?! Oh mate we just became friends I recently got back into watching wrestling after the longest time mostly because I can afford it as an adult lamest part is my friends dont really care for it like i do I know its not really a "competitive sport" in the traditional sense but I enjoy the fuck out of it. I pay more attention to WWE's NXT brand because its like seeing a star be born hahaha I dont know if I'm boring you or not but it's something I'm rediscovering after sort of supressing it because nobody thought it was cool growing up or i couldnt afford the tv service thing anyway bro im super into it if maybe you wanna chat about it...or maybe you're not so into it anymore which is cool too I mean if you've already smelt what the rock is cooking and dont want any im not gonna force you im just saying whatever it is it smells pretty friggen delicious and you should have some...alright end of rant have a nice day BANG BANG.

          • NowhereMan on 2016-08-25 09:59:05 (UTC)

            Did this just become a wrestling thread? I'll throw my name in the hat as a wrestling fan.

            • Jandrusel on 2016-08-25 11:39:27 (UTC)

              Awesome! Wrestling fans unite, brother! I hope Eve won't get mad on us for derailing the thread. She might go all Stephanie McMahon on our asses.

              Yeah, not all people appreciate wrestling. It sucks, but the concept of 'wrestling is fake' still runs deep. Matches might be arranged, but wrestlers hurt themselves in order to make it real. It's exciting and I love it.

              And that's the bottom line cause Jandrusel said so.

              • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:50:28 (UTC)

                haha I love that you guys are talking, even about wrestling. :D

            • ChocPanda on 2016-08-25 11:33:56 (UTC)

              Dude im just sayin if i could make some friends that I could talk to about wrestling that woild be great haha

              • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:55:23 (UTC)

                https://www.reddit.com/r/WWE/

                There's about 29 000 of them there :D

                • ChocPanda on 2016-08-25 15:20:28 (UTC)

                  Aww am I being politely asked to move on? :( hahaha nah im just joking Eve thank you very much for the link i'll definitely check it out :) by the way I love that you're bringing this back and i thoroughly enjoyed it lots of great advice and things to think about.

                  • A Eve on 2016-08-27 21:27:48 (UTC)

                    haha not at all, just trying to fulfil your wish :D And thank you, I'm glad you enjoy them. ❤️

  • NowhereMan on 2016-08-23 22:27:24 (UTC)

    Glad to see this series back and in proper form. As I've mentioned before it's really been a major factor in me changing myself for the better and once again this is no exception. I went through some really bad, even traumatic bits of rejection when I was younger and that really held me back in my adult life. It's funny though, ever since I lost a good amount of weight and got some of my confidence back it's really helped on the social front. Hell, even just within the last few weeks I've had a few people tell me how good I look and how attractive I apparently am. Maybe it's worth it for me to just give it a shot at dating. After all, worst thing that can happen is I'm told "No."

    • A Eve on 2016-08-25 12:49:48 (UTC)

      That is awesome! I'm so glad to hear it.

      I just hope you keep in mind that you were awesome before you lost any weight, and will still be so if you ever gain it back. You were always this guy deep down, so love yourself no matter what. ❤️

      • NowhereMan on 2016-08-25 16:44:17 (UTC)

        Honestly, I actually agree. I don't think it was the weight that held me back as much as it was the lack of confidence. I simply thought that my weight would be a factor when, in reality, that probably wasn't the case. That said, my weight loss is more about me than anything else. What benefits happen afterwards are merely icing on the proverbial cake...which I can't have on my diet but that's okay!

        • A Eve on 2016-08-27 21:28:42 (UTC)

          Yes, confidence is the main thing. I hope you can develop a real sense of your self-worth that has nothing to do with your body.