Under the Covers with Eve - Episode 25: Loneliness

21:40 Under the Covers with Eve episode 25 / 34 Feb 28, 2016 10 comments 2147 521

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This week I discuss loneliness in general - this isn’t a soothing audio, you can check out my Sweet Nothings and other audios for that - this is just a general discussion about the condition of loneliness, what might cause it, and some things you can do about it.

Links mentioned in the audio:

Loneliness of social media

Is social media to blame?

Dr. Sherry Terkle’s Ted Talk - this TED talk is 4 years old at this point, so I’m curious as to what Dr. Turkle would say now, would she say that we are even more connected but disconnected?

The Unplugged Experiment

Pets help with loneliness


Other audios in Under the Covers with Eve

Comments

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  • LeaDavenport1968 on 2017-05-01 12:18:24 (UTC)

    It is without doubt one of the most relevant episodes yet for me and I suspect many more guys Eve. I think its incredibly sad that in the age of social media we are becoming further apart. Your comment on the U.K was not something I was aware and did surprise me a little. It is likely that social media is responsible for this. Or is it how young people use?
    My own experience is one that falls into the category of being lonely due to my own internal failings. The way in which I grew up as a young person further reinforced these failings. I don't know about young people in the U.S or Canada but generally speaking here relationships were very tightly confined into little boxes. For example as boys or young men we dared not even talk to young girls! Ridicule or even bullying would result if we did unless it was to call girls silly or horrible. Our world revolved around keeping within a small group,maybe five at most,of male friends. Girls had theirs and if the two were called upon to interact in anyway by our Teachers the results were rarely good. Minimal progress at best. Drama being the most uncomfortable and PE also but these lessons never had mixed classes
    I work at a school,actually the same one where I was a high school student,things have changed somewhat. The two mix much more freely,not entirely without the boxes around them,yet far more so than in the 80s.
    Yet now It is social media as perhaps a mis used tool which is causing loneliness. My generation developed as young people just as the typewriters were being replaced by very large computers and that is how many from this generation still are,seriously behind the times.
    Some did get relationships going with some struggle. Few lasted. Others like myself remain locked in that male dominated,orientated World and largely ignorant of the fairer sex,other than from what may be gleaned in the media.
    Outside of school and in the adult world most built new boxes in which only male friends would enter. My first workplace,a Gym,carefully segragated the sexes making somedays men some women. I coached men and my female colleagues women. My social skills by this time were developing as I at last became exposed to women and having to talk with them. This came to a bloody end when I developed Crohns. A new and difficult barrier presented itself as I recovered,its aftermath still has severe consequences for me. As youth fades,our families accept us as were are,just alone due to our failings or impairments and relationships rarely get mentioned. I've nieces far younger that have had relationships even children and marriage. At least nobody thinks I am interested in same sex relationships anylonger as they did. Which I don't have anything against but they are not for me.
    I've had friends of like mind for many years,sharing many interests and pets,specifically dogs have been my most closest friends,the only ones I ever hugged or stroked!
    I need a new approach to ending my loneliness and I am convinced it is high time to make those changes using these wonderful forums in Eve's Garden.
    My tip to others regarding social media would be to use it and yet not allow it to use or rather abuse you.
    From Youtube I arrived at Eraudica and with time and as Eve tells us patience we lonely hearts can succeed in slow in slow transformation of our currently outdated selves.Of course,it's worth thinking about the attitdues and opinions of women and whether they fall into the same traps as we guys,we must not neglect their thoughts on this complex topic.
    Superb discussion Eve and thanks to you!
    Lea.

    Les

  • JJJ on 2016-02-29 10:55:41 (UTC)

    Can I just say how amazing it's been that you've done an Under the Covers with Eve for the past 25 weeks? The episodes are something I look forward to on every Sunday, either so I can listen them just as they come out or so I can listen to them on Monday morning.
    You've become a big part of my life thanks to this series, as a very welcome addition to the 'Renaissance of Me' project I've been working on for the last year or so. I just feel like I can't thank you enough for that! ❤️

    • A Eve on 2016-02-29 23:08:10 (UTC)

      Thank you so much, I'm so glad!

  • STEVE4EVE on 2016-02-29 04:03:13 (UTC)

    Thank you, Eve, for your thoughtful, balanced, practical insights. Very helpful.

    A lady who lived alone once told me that being alone can be the perfect time to become all one. It took me decades to find out how true that is.

    • A Eve on 2016-02-29 23:08:38 (UTC)

      that's lovely! Thank you

  • RedKnight on 2016-02-29 02:30:02 (UTC)

    So, per the conclusion, it's okay that I love you and think that you're awesome? :)

    • A Eve on 2016-02-29 23:08:47 (UTC)

      haha it's quite okay :D

  • NowhereMan on 2016-02-29 00:48:22 (UTC)

    The timing of this edition of the show couldn't have come at a better time. On the Sweet Nothings dealing with loneliness, I commented saying that I've been having problems dealing with loneliness and this week it really came to a point where I was at an all time low both mentally and emotionally. I hated myself, and I woke up thinking, "Why bother?" It's funny that you mentioned FOMO (feeling of missing out) because I think that's exactly what my loneliness stems from. I've seen so many other people get into loving relationships and I want that more than anything. As happy as I am for those other people, it reminded me of what I don't have and what I felt I never could have. After going through the mental anguish, I came to the conclusion that I need to turn my life around. I'm trying to be out in public more, I'm trying to lose weight, and I'm going to try and be more social. I've had an awakening and I look forward to life now. It's amazing what a change in attitude and a new outlook on life can accomplish, and the world just seems brighter and amazing. I hope to find that special someone, and I'll do whatever it takes to have that happen. I'm never going to feel alone again.

    • STEVE4EVE on 2016-02-29 03:32:55 (UTC) (edited)

      Great to hear your newfound resolve. May I suggest you set it free from the word "trying". "Trying" sounds like hard work, and the effort turns everything into a difficult, stressful task.
      Instead, choose to say things like "I'm enjoying being out in public more. I'm enjoying getting into better shape. I'm enjoying being more sociable..." See the difference? This is something that helped me. Hope it helps you, too.
      Oh...and your enjoyment will be far more attractive than "trying" to your specal lady, when you find each other. And she'll much more appreciate you enjoying your time together, whatever you do, rather than "trying" for a result.

      • NowhereMan on 2016-03-01 00:04:46 (UTC)

        Honestly, that's a great way to put it. Thank you for the advice!