Under the Covers with Eve - Episode 19: Porn Addiction

33:42 Under the Covers with Eve episode 19 / 34 Jan 17, 2016 15 comments 3000 463

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  • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-04-02 07:32:12 (UTC)

    Having learned a bit about genuine drug addiction in high school, I viewed my pornography consumption as merely a habitual behaviour. I cannot say I am devout but I do come from a Christian background and so I have attempted spells of abstinence from masturbation without being aware of things like self-styled Fapstronauts or MGTOWs adopting 'monk-mode'. In those times, I did not experience delirium tremens or seizures associated with cold-turkey alcohol and barbiturate withdrawal. It is my belief that the misapplication of the word 'addiction' to describe porn consumption is partly the result of our overuse of the word in general, e.g. I am overly preoccupied with any given subject therefore I am a chocoholic, workaholic, sexaholic, etc. And so the term, among so many others, has lost much of its original impact and meaning.

    My own 'pornobiography' started with gateway stuff that isn't considered porn at all, like the Sears catalogues or early morning aerobics shows. With increasingly hardcore and taboo fetishes being sought out, it was a race to stay ahead of the inevitable desensitization, or the true culprit responsible for my drive to seek out this more fringe material when the mainstream would no longer cut it. I can't say I was ever truly convinced though that this darker porn was corrupting me into a sociopathic deviant, probably because of a rational awareness that it was all just a fantasy and that they were strictly contrived performances. Still, I understand how easy it is to fall for the fallacy that finding your next fetish is identical to getting your next big fix in a drug addiction - the trajectories at first glance have enough parallels.

    I'd be dishonest with myself if I didn't admit feelings of shame and guilt too. And that emptiness you mention so many men feel. I took a step back and then started actively looking for porn where the participants actually said they loved each other, or cuddled afterward instead of the abrupt fade to black. It was difficult, and then I found your audios on Literotica. They've really helped me recalibrate over the last year and half with all of the love and positivity in them, and I feel like I now have a healthier relationship with porn. It sure felt good to be able to easily delete some of the edgier, darker stuff I couldn't quite let go of before. And it was fitting that Dr. Eve was one of the first of your audios I ever listened to, if not the very first. :)

    • A Eve on 2017-04-02 19:13:13 (UTC)

      Your experience is so common, that's part of the reason I do these episodes and discuss subjects like this, not to mention the reason I do positive erotic audio. I know how damaging it can be to shame and guilt men into repressing their sexuality, I know it tends to go to dark places. Telling men that their (often) only outlet for sexual gratification is an 'addiction' that makes them immoral, weak and misogynistic is disastrous, to my mind. I'm glad you got out of all that ❤️

      • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-04-03 12:01:10 (UTC) (edited)

        I knew I was far from alone just by seeing the views and traffic counts posted on these sites, but the negative emotions were nevertheless very isolating. Your audios were such a big help in my effort to do something to change this part of myself and my life, and for that I'm eternally grateful, Eve. I bet you hear things like this a lot. 🙂

        P.S. I wish you a pleasurable and safe journey! And please don't worry about answering every single comment; we all know you love us!

  • Martti45 on 2016-10-28 12:21:16 (UTC)

    I personally don't use porn that much. And when i do, it's always the solo stuff. I just love watching gorgeous women get naked :). What can i say? I LOVE women. But at the same time i find the majority of porn to be either boring or even disgustin at times. Erotic audio just gets me going way better ;). My opinion is that the hole nofap thing is a terrible thing to do to your sexuality and overall well being. Great episode, Eve.

    • A Eve on 2016-10-29 19:08:00 (UTC)

      I agree, I think it's a case of "throwing the baby out with the bathwater".

      And there's nothing wrong with loving gorgeous naked women 💋

  • josepho94 on 2016-02-25 03:27:05 (UTC)

    Eve, thank you so much for addressing this topic and give an impartial point of view. Greetings from a Colombian follower of your work on GWA and most recently this space.

    • A Eve on 2016-02-26 10:32:03 (UTC)

      Muchos gracias! 💋

  • leytod on 2016-01-27 20:09:44 (UTC)

    Great episode, Eve. I love your scholarly research and effort to discuss both sides of an issue. I don't feel so myself, but perhaps some people can only achieve arousal or sexual satisfaction from porn, which might make it a problem. I personally think that porn is a great means to see "how it works" before awkwardly trying to figure out a new position or encounter in the moment. Learning about what turns you on, what doesn't, and what you're still undecided on can't be a bad thing. And if the self-study comes with some self-pleasure and reward, so much the better.

    • A Eve on 2016-01-28 15:32:40 (UTC)

      Thank you, those are great points!

  • Jandrusel on 2016-01-19 00:18:11 (UTC)

    Really thoughtful opinions on this week's subject, Eve. It madre me think about the way I had been viewing porn, and also masturbation, for that matter.

    It goes without saying that I was one of those guys that spend days visiting NoFap and YBOP.com, trying to combat this habit that, in my eyes, was turning me into a 'zombie', as you perfectly put. To my surprise, I couldn't stay away from porn, or anything remotely erotic. Many times I cursed and begrudged myself for failing and 'relapsing' until I realized that, being sexual, is part of who I am.

    Thankfully, I never experienced the rehab symptoms that most NoFappers describe. The only think that I really struggled was guilt. Guilt of being shy around women while, in private, I was replacing the need for intimacy with porn watching. And deprecating yourself for doing so. Mentally punishing yourself this way is one of the worst things you can do. Worse than any other 'rehab symptom' you can think of.

    I still struggle from time to time but, I've realized that porn is not the problem 'per se', but rather my relationship with it. Surely, I wish someone had told me a few lessons on sexuality before discovering it, but it's too late for that. I know that there are plenty of people out there who have no problem with continuous porn watching. I'm happy for them, but I can't go back to that hole of shame and guilt. An occasional peek to a video, a racy picture, or a sexy Eraudica audio is more than enough for me.

    Bless you, Eve. It's really nice hearing a woman's perspective on this. With you, I'm learning a lot of about things I wished somebody had told me, or wished I had the courage to ask. If only I had a teacher like you in school... ;-)

    • A Eve on 2016-01-19 12:17:33 (UTC)

      Aww, my pleasure :D You're a great student :D

      (I've been trying to contact you, please email me at eves_garden@mail.com)

  • MadWithLust on 2016-01-19 00:12:11 (UTC)

    Incredibly fair and well thought out opinion! Very good points on the nuances of addiction and sex.

    Having tried Seinfeld's "contest", it is very interesting to see how much your brain really needs sex. I've tried to see how long I could go without masturbation and without porn and it is amazing how it will change your perspective. After two weeks, swimsuit models were like porn stars to me.

    And I also think sex has such powerful emotional and physiological connections, it's easy to see how it can profoundly affect someone. My first time masturbating was to porn and I remember the exact porn very fondly! Cutting out sex/porn/masturbation entirely, it is a real shock to your very sexual brain!

    • A Eve on 2016-01-19 12:16:55 (UTC)

      yes, I totally agree. Thanks MWL!

  • JJJ on 2016-01-18 20:17:08 (UTC)

    Thumbs up for this episode, and the site update.
    Good works as always Eve.

    • A Eve on 2016-01-18 21:45:28 (UTC)

      Thank you! ❤️