Eve's Guide for Regular Guys: Episode 7- The Key To Attracting a Woman

30:43 Eve's Guide For Regular Guys episode 7 / 19 Mar 20, 2017 59 comments 16343 2933

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In this episode I give you some thoughts on what I believe is the main key to attracting women.

Many of you will not recognize yourself in some of the examples I give in this episode, and that's a good thing. When I say "you" in many cases I'm using it as the 'general you', meaning 'a general person'. I just want to make that clear. 💋

Below are examples of examples of "Regular Looking Guys" and beautiful women (I had to clarify this because I got some snark over it from someone who missed the point completely.)

Please note, each one of them is exceptional in some way, as are the women they have attracted. If you want a woman like these women, you have to do something like these guys have done - the saving grace is that you don't have to be great looking on top of it:

Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi

Salma Hayek and Francois Pinault

Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden

Music by Ben Sound

Other audios in Eve's Guide For Regular Guys


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  • Lonelyandhurting on 2019-01-03 20:13:22 (UTC)

    The main reason I am not attractive to women is because I am going into the military when I graduate form high school. People have called me a psychopath because of this, and now I don't think I will ever find a girlfriend. I now have an extreme fear , that I will be lonely for the rest of my life. Thank you for so much for your audios. They help me to calm down and not have nightmares when I try to sleep, and they soothe my broken soul so much.

    • A Eve on 2019-01-04 23:22:02 (UTC)

      Don't worry, there are plenty of women who are wildly attracted to men in uniform

  • MGShadow1989 on 2018-04-17 01:14:51 (UTC) (edited)

    Just a few of my own observations in regards to the dick size thing - it does matter but not in the way most seem to think it does. It matters in the context of being compatible; most women, as far as I can tell, do not want their insides impaled by a 14 inch monster... it seems a lot of guys forget, or don't realise, that women in porn are considered athletes, as they have trained, to some extent anyway, to handle it. The largest that I have ever heard a woman say she honestly prefers, is 8-9 inches, and the overwhelming majority that I've spoken to over the years mention girth over length; back to that impalement issue there, lol

    At the absolute extreme other end, if a guy is unfortunate enough to have a legit micropenis of around 2-3 in, the woman is of course highly unlikely to feel much in regards to vaginal stimulation - that is also not the end of the world, because it is somewhat rare for a woman to climax from that alone; it's hard to go wrong with oral and toys...

    • MGShadow1989 on 2018-04-17 01:37:22 (UTC)

      Almost 1000 characters on that; it's such a silly issue but I feel an important misconception to correct.

      In regard to the actual audio, this is essentially what is meant by 'just be yourself' - someone, at some point, will just like something about another someone, if that someone gives enough of a fuck about themselves to do that thing.

  • Karl on 2018-02-08 19:28:35 (UTC) (edited)

    In this day and age everything revolves around money and social status, you can't have relationships if you can't prove that you have a well paid job cause that's what matters nowadays, let's not pretend.

    All these "advices" for men on how to "impress" women say the same things, you have to be "ambitious, hard working, passionate ", but if you are poor and can't have a stable source of income you're still a loser.

    Why women expect men to impress them and "prove" themselves, and women don't have to do anything besides "looking good"? Like if you look good, you are entitled to higher expections then if you look average.

    A rich man can attract a freaking college girl, and she is dirt poor, lives with her parents, you don't see the other way around.

    Men are desperate to attract good looking women and they don't have any expections of them, other then looks. So now every chick is entitled and has tons of expectations from men, because of these desperate men that are willing to spend tons of money just to bang that college student.

    If you can't work because you are sick, or you simply can't find work because "you lack experience", well I guess, though luck.

    Want women to spend your "hard earned money" on ? Get a job. You can't because you lack experience. Get some xp then.

    • A Eve on 2018-02-11 17:20:34 (UTC)

      I don't agree that someone who is poor is a loser. I've always said, and I stand by it, that a man does have to impress a woman - but he doesn't have to do that through wealth.

      And it's just as difficult for women - do you ever consider how it is for women that men don't typically find "hot" or attractive? They usually don't get any attention from men at all. And to my mind, it's a lot easier to get a job than it is to change your physiology or 'become beautiful' somehow.

      Don't be bitter, don't get discouraged. Focus on your strengths and talents, and look for women who appreciate them. Consider women who aren't 'hot' too.

      • Karl on 2018-02-11 18:15:28 (UTC) (edited)

        Oh believe you me, women get loads of attention from desperate men on chat rooms, dating site, even social media. It's insane. If I'm making an account no one will add me, or message me, but as a woman, even an "average looking one" will be messaged by many desperate dudes wanting "to hit" something.

        I've logged on a chat room as a woman once just to "test" this theory, and I didn't have any picture, I got in a matter of seconds messaged by desperate 40 year olds. One even said "hi beautiful". It's just mental, didn't get dick picks though(guess they weren't confident enough).

        As for the "easier" to get a job then to change your physiology I disagree, after applying to hundreds of jobs and getting only a few calls from shady companies, it's anything but easy.

        You can lose weight by yourself for instance but unfortunately getting a job it depends on many other external factors, mostly experience, it doesn't even matter if you have the required skills, they'll reject you if you don't have 3+ years of xp. Education doesn't count either.

        I don't have a certain "type", if I don't have anything in common with someone I'm not interested. Also I find the whole going and talking to random people in public places really stupid and weird.

        I feel like an utter moron going to some random people just "to say hi", without having anything remotely intelligent to say. I've never been interested in that type of "meetings".

  • Perpetuous on 2017-11-20 13:32:56 (UTC)

    I have been listening to these for a few days now and this episode has told me what I have known forever, what I keep reading but I can't think about without wanting to cry.

    I'm going to try incorporating everything you said, but "impressing" and social interactions will be the biggest hurdle I have to face and moving out of my safe haven has been the problem all my life.

    • A Eve on 2017-11-21 20:30:02 (UTC)

      The key thing I want men to take away from this is that 'impressing a woman' does not have to be the huge, daunting, impossible thing many people think it is. You are impressive in ways you aren't even aware of - even the smallest things can make a difference.

      The main problem these days is that everyone is so busy and scattered and Phone Zombie-like that it's really difficult to make anyone lift their head and notice anyone else. You need to give a woman a reason to notice you, is all I'm saying. Luckily that can be as easy as being around her a lot - someone you work with, or go to school with, someone you volunteer with. Friendships and relationships form from familiarity, not from artificial socializing. So try to find ways to help women get to know you.

      • Perpetuous on 2017-11-22 08:51:53 (UTC)

        I was more talking about facing the reality that right now, there is absolutely nothing about me that is impressive. I've been on that "at least I am nice" thing for a long time. Now, I never insulted women for rejecting me and never used the "I am nice" as some ultimate "you have to give me something in return" thing. It's simply the only thing about me that I see as "good", but as you said, most people are nice, so that's nothing special. It's not impressive. But apart from it, I have nothing going for me that women could see as impressive and neither do I even have a chance to show them, because I go to work, to the gym and then home.

        At 25, I've began to lose hope, to be honest. With no confidence, no social circle and no experience, I am looking at a future of loneliness on a lot of days. I know it's changeable and this series has been helping, but I there are still days where I feel inadequate, inferior or just plain undeserving of anything. It doesn't make sense, but it's happening.

        The episode about timelines is the one I have to ingrain in my head, because I have put up imaginary deadlines for things to do and it's putting me down more often than not, sometimes giving me extremely dark thoughts. "If only I did this x years ago, I'd have a way better life now." and all that stupid stuff.

        I hope that I can shake these negative thoughts and become better and I think this series can help me, but it's going to be a long road.

        • A Eve on 2017-11-24 21:12:02 (UTC)

          I really hope it does, and that you realize you have more going for you than you think. Being nice is a great thing, but you're more than that, whether you know it or not.

          • Perpetuous on 2017-11-25 19:32:53 (UTC)

            Thank you, I will report back on how things go along these videos :)

            • A Eve on 2017-11-26 20:23:01 (UTC)


  • LeaDavenport1968 on 2017-04-22 10:53:20 (UTC)

    Eve, after experiencing one of your erotic hypnosis entries on YouTube, I simply had to have more of you!

    Today, I became a fully paid up member of your Eve's Garden eraudica site and I am not in any way disappointed!

    My level of satisfaction is growing with each experience, I find your voice deeply soothing and yet exciting too!

    I have seen some of your video posts too and may I say that you have a tremendously attractive body too! A particular favourite was the recent prize draw "booby movie", the stuff of my dreams!

    As somebody with little experience of enjoying female company, I am also enjoying and following your series "guide for regular guys", very enlightening to my inexperienced ears!

    Many thanks for the productions and the pleasures you are giving to me, I value them enourmously!

    Possibly your newest fan,


    • A Eve on 2017-04-23 18:08:25 (UTC)

      Hi Lea, thank you so much! Welcome, I'm very glad you found me 💋

  • MadWithLust on 2017-04-03 01:20:34 (UTC)

    You did it again! I've never heard what a woman wants put so well! And it makes so much sense!

    There is just so much bad advice out there : "Be yourself", as if you could be anyone else! "Be confident", as if you could turn the confidence switch to "ON". And then it's made worse with the stereotypical complaint from women, "I JUST want a nice guy!". A guy can be all three of these things and NEVER get a woman's interest! Meanwhile other guys are doing none of these things and getting all the ladies. No wonder guys fall into the MISTAKES (love the echo!!!).

    The beauty of your "You have to impress her" idea is that it puts the emphasis on the result. It's about whatever gets the woman's interest, which is going to change depending on the woman. So it both opens the door to doing other things besides "being nice" and it also explains why things would work out sometimes and not others.

    • A Eve on 2017-04-07 22:50:15 (UTC)

      Thank you so much MWL, I'm glad you enjoyed this! 💋

  • NowhereMan on 2017-03-31 18:17:03 (UTC)

    Man, this series has been absolutely fantastic and this episode was no exception. I've taken it to heart and guess what? I NOW HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! :D

    Thank you so much Eve! You gave me the tools to finally get involved with a woman and I couldn't be happier!

    • A Eve on 2017-04-01 00:37:12 (UTC)

      YAYAYAYYAYAYAY!!!!! I'm so happy for you, congratulations! Way to go!! 💋😘

      • NowhereMan on 2017-04-01 02:40:42 (UTC)

        Thanks Eve! I honestly couldn't have done this without you just encouraging me through your audios when I was really down at the bottom and felt like I was out.

        I'm going to get a little personal and give a bit of my story, because I feel like you deserve to know exactly where I'm coming from and why this means so much to me. My first attempts at getting involved with romance and the like began as a kid. I was young, full of hope, and new a girl that I had a crush on. We were friends, and relatively close. I told her I liked her, and her reaction was incredibly traumatizing. She ran away from me crying, saying I looked like a monster. Of course, that was followed with laughter from my classmates. After years of bitterness and a borderline hatred of people, I met another girl in high school and she really melted away the ice that had taken root where my heart was. She befriended me on a whim, and we got incredibly close. We'd open up to each other in ways that we couldn't to others. I fell in love and I believed she was the one. Well, unfortunately, she didn't feel the same and put me in the "Brother Zone" which I think might be even worse than the Friend Zone. It meant no matter how much I tried, no matter how much closer I got to her, it was never meant to be. She then tried to tell me that she just wasn't into me like that because I didn't fit what she wanted in a guy. As an adult it didn't get any better. I spent the better part of my 20s practically living as a hermit. I barely worked, I didn't go anywhere, I just sat around and wallowed in my own misery and bitterness. I was one of those guys that looked at other happy, shining faces and thought "That will never be me, I'm meant to be alone."

        I chose the username "NowhereMan" because not only do I love the song by The Beatles, but because I felt that was just who I was. To say I had no sense of self-worth is merely putting it lightly. I hated myself and woke up every morning thinking it would only get better when I go back to sleep again. I believed I was simply moving through the motions because I had to, not because I had any drive for anything. The loneliness over the years churned and formed into self-loathing.

        That was when I discovered you and your content. At first, I started listening to your soothing Sweet Nothings, just encouring me and trying to make me feel better. Then I went and listened to Under The Covers, and that started the drive to better myself and get myself out of this horrible rut I was in. Then, you announced that you were doing your Guide for Regular Guys series and that's when I knew it was really time to start paying attention and making an even greater effort to get myself out of my funk forever and finally meet someone that gives me a reason to fight every day. I did, and again, it's all thanks to you that I even had the courage to talk to her. I'll forever be in your debt Eve. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much.

        • A Eve on 2017-04-01 21:06:02 (UTC)

          You are most welcome, darlin. Just so you know, I had similar problems when I was young - someone I loved when I was 7 wrote me a note saying "I hate your guts" and in high school, someone I think I was genuinely in love with said that I was the best person he knew, but that I wasn't good looking enough for him. So I feel your pain.

          I'm so proud of you, deciding to love yourself in spite of past hurts. You're living proof that it ends up paying off in so many ways. 💋

          • NowhereMan on 2017-04-01 21:27:26 (UTC)

            Of course, after I wrote all that and felt a glimmer of happiness...I'm single again. After deciding to hook up, she decided she just wasn't ready yet.

            I'm still grateful though Eve, because even if it was only for a moment, I was able to shine brighter than the sun. It'll happen again some day, I'm sure. It hurts, I hurt, but I'll rebound.

            • A Eve on 2017-04-01 23:52:53 (UTC)

              Aww, I know it sucks....but take heart, if nothing else it should make you feel fantastic that you are more than capable of attracting a woman. You just have to meet the right one now! Hang in there, I'll help you with that too :P

              • NowhereMan on 2017-04-02 00:41:57 (UTC)

                Thanks Eve. I look forward to it!

  • nerfified on 2017-03-22 17:14:34 (UTC)

    Just to expand the subject, not only do women want men to impress them, they need to be made felt special. The nice guys don't know that these women hear the kinds of things they say on the regular, and you don't really stand out at all. The reason for age old tale of women going for the asshole instead of a nice guy is very simple, if a woman can get a guy who has no respect for women to respect her and make her feel special when no one else could, that is like the ultimate ego boost right there(and it obviously never works). So work on your confidence and charisma, be funny! Women are much more open to talking if you relax the situation and not come off as shallow or desperate. Don't try to start talking to them by mentioning their looks, I have probably never told a woman that she was beautiful or anything like that and you shouldn't either. This is one of those things that you show don't tell, make them feel beautiful don't just say it. If you must do that use words that imply things other than appearance, for example if she is cute and quirky to you, call her adoreable, it's a word that shows that you payed attention to not only her looks but personality, and she will appreciate it more. I was on a date recently and she was suprised that I hadn't said anything about her looks or that I looked her in the eyes and face instead of her boobs, I was just being myself while being flirty and that's what women want. On the same hand don't throw yourself at her, desperation is a huge turnoff. The truth is you have to get her attention and have her value you, I think we all know that women that are after men only date up, so you have to get her to value you first, then show that you value her. Not saying to be an asshole, but just be a regular person, and be subtle about the relationship aspect and make her crave it and then you can show your feelings.

    Love your stuff Eve

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 22:27:13 (UTC)

      Thank you for that, I appreciate it. 💋

  • Durgarnkuld on 2017-03-21 19:10:48 (UTC)

    I think this is my favorite episode so far - getting to the nitty gritty.

    My personal problems stem rather from a form of self-loathe which makes it hard to be loved if you can't even love yourself. But I'm working on that for some time now.
    Shame is I tend to intimidate people when I get passionate ... somehow. I'm burning like a hot flame and everyone backs off ^^ impressive maybe, but not pleasant so far :(

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:33:58 (UTC)

      Thank you...as I said, everyone is a work in progress. The key is to look at your strengths and focus on them. Your 'faults' whatever you feel they are, will be minimized when you aren't constantly focusing on them. 💋

  • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-21 04:40:23 (UTC)

    You said in one of your earlier audios and you said it again here, "There has to be a you." That really stuck with me. Since then I've tried to be more honest and open about what my interests are, to be the person I want to be and not what I think others want. I don't know about the impressiveness factor, but I think my life has been more rewarding this way and I've been happier because of it.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:32:37 (UTC) (edited)

      That's really awesome to hear. And you're a good example of what I mean. I love that you do metal detecting to find interesting historical things. That is 'impressive' to me and a lot of women. It makes you interesting, makes us want to ask questions like "what made you start doing it" and "what's the coolest thing you've found" etc. It's a starting point for a conversation. And you pictures of the stuff are very cool too :)

      • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-22 16:43:49 (UTC)

        Thanks Eve, it's good to hear that Regular guys can be impressive without having to be superheroes or rock stars. And the answers to your question; Goonies and the coolest thing is reconstructing an area and time period based on the things you find somewhere. ;)

        • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-22 23:09:36 (UTC)

          Billy you do metal detecting? Well, call me a guy who finds that impressive! I took some archaeology courses as part of my college minor, and it is simply fascinating the wealth of knowledge the pros can derive merely from the in-situ contextual data alone.

          • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-23 04:14:08 (UTC)

            Thanks Charlie. I took an archaeology 101 class in college as an elective. I wish now that I had pursued it more, but back then I was young and stupid and my priorities weren't where they should have been. But detecting fills that void to some extent, so I'm happy.

            Just out of curiosity, what was your minor? If you're comfortable with sharing, that is.

            • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-24 03:01:24 (UTC)

              You're welcome Billy. I'm glad to hear you've come to terms with that particular regret.

              I don't mind. My minor was in anthropology - I thought there was no better way to round out a university education than the study of humans and the diverse array of societies that emerge whenever said humans gather and interact with each other. The courses were quite eclectic as well, including introductions to archaeology, ethnography, museum studies, as well as topics of contemporary importance like the redress of past injustices due to colonialism and the repatriation of cultural patrimony (objects of cultural significance, including human remains) to their rightful societies of origin.

              • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-24 13:53:37 (UTC)

                Cool. I never realized anthropology covered so many different topics. But I can see how that would be necessary to get a full understand of people, cultures, etc.

        • A Eve on 2017-03-22 22:26:42 (UTC)

          Goonies :P Awesome. So you're doing archaeology of a sort with it then?

          • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-23 03:59:45 (UTC)

            Well, I certainly wouldn't call it that, but it is similar.

  • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-21 03:24:06 (UTC) (edited)

    I recently entered my mid-thirties, and I while I highly value my singledom, at rare times I do feel that the years are flying by ever more quickly and I won't have an eternity to start finding someone with whom I can build a life. No man wants to be a proud bachelor in his youth and suddenly find that he's lonely after all in his sixties. However, I see that line of thinking as a route to desperation which nobody, man or woman, wants in a partner.

    With what maturity I have cobbled together so far in life, I can accept responsibility for my being single as a combination of my personal choice and the legacy of an extremely shy adolescence and young adulthood. Even though I never tried approaching women I was not spared that phase of MISTAKE #3, and I admit I did experience feelings of resentment no matter how unwarranted. That was until I had an epiphany that was like a cold slap to the face: being nice is just basic human courtesy and does not ENTITLE me to someone's affections. I was ashamed of my petty unjustified resentment and things got a lot easier after that. I've read the manosphere advice on treating women poorly to stand out from the nice guys and win them over, but I never really internalized any of that thinking because the goal of those experts was to simply score sexual conquests like a pickup artist.

    I just knew before playing this audio that you'd say that the secret was impressing women. All the 'good' advice I've read about attracting women share the common thread of possessing a healthy drive or ambition, and I think you may have discussed this in at least one of your other audios too. I used to be into drawing, painting, and sculpture in my childhood and early teens, but somewhere along the line I felt I lost my creativity. I am reasonably proficient at cooking tasty meals admittedly without any artistic flair, and I do have a mandolin I can try learning how to play. Your French audios have motivated me to salvage what I can of my highschool French using the free DuoLingo. So yeah, like you said, I can be a work in progress too, but I want to improve myself for my own sake, not in the hopes of snagging a woman. If it happens, great! If not, it's not the end of the world and I can still be happy with my life looking back when I am 45 or even 55 (who knows, maybe I dodged a midlife crisis in the making by hearing your sage words now 😄).

    Thank you for crafting this excellent series for us regular guys. In this episode you say that women are bombarded with nice gestures from men trying to get their attention. Well, with the legion of fans you've won over with your intelligence, balanced perspective, humour, silliness, nerdiness, mad scripting/improv/sound engineering skills, willingness to experiment, and of course your alluring voice/accents I hope you never grow weary of the compliments and support we send your way! You already know this but you really do deserve it. 👏👏👏

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:30:51 (UTC)

      You have such a great attitude, but it's also very encouraging to hear a bit of your story, how you got to this point. Hopefully some younger guys or guys who are still back where you were can see themselves in you and maybe start to change their attitude.

      There's a line in a song by Alanis Morrisette that always stood out to me - "the moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle". That has been true for me in so many ways. The more I obsess about something, the farther away it gets. If I let go and accept things as they are, for the large part, I tend to find things work out in unexpected ways :)

      • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-22 23:24:40 (UTC)

        Awww shucks...Eve, that's so sweet to hear you say. *blush*

        I totally forgot about that song, can't believe it's been almost 20 years ago. Used to watch MuchMusic nearly everyday back then. I sorely miss the '90s sometimes (I was a teen who felt invincible and the world was my oyster)! Your audios are getting through to me that it still is (well, not the invincible part though haha).

        • billymacorbuddy on 2017-03-23 04:20:51 (UTC)

          I found a 90s playlist on youtube once and it was awesome. New Age Girl anyone?

  • Murtaugh83 on 2017-03-21 01:54:41 (UTC)

    Hi Eve,
    I have been following this series as well as your others and found them to be such a help. The advice you offer is so insightful and presented in such way that it comes from a trusted friend. I am a proud work in progress and well worth the effort. Thanks for being a voice in the wilderness.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:27:24 (UTC)

      That is such a lovely compliment, "a trusted friend". Thank you so much 💋

  • Georgio36 on 2017-03-21 00:54:39 (UTC) (edited)

    Eve I'll admit you had me a bit scared for a mins when i started to listen to this lol 😄. You are right, this can be a very sensitive topic for many guys including myself. But i can tell you know, i feel soo much better about the future. Not just attracting women, but being happy internally. I think if we feel good & content with ourselves on the inside; it will show to to the world & others.

    There's things i want to move forward in my life but i know that it takes time. Im also a big believer in God & what he can do for others. I have realised recently i have been getting much more attention from women these past few months than i ever have in the past few years. I wasn't even trying either.

    You mentioned impressing women with talents or skills. For me, my skills are cooking, helping others, making art pictures (which i am very passionate about), astrology & fixing technology lol. I had women speak to me while i was doing those things. So i just wanna thank you so much for opening our eyes to something new💓. I saw those pictures of those guys & now i can see why they got those women.

    Us guys don't need the most prettiest woman or to be millionaires to get a lady. We just have to believe in ourselves, be strong minded & stand up for what's right. Sorry for the long comment but i feel better about everything 😊.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:26:51 (UTC)

      Excellent points, Georgio. Honestly, being able to cook is one of those 'right up there' talents as far as women are concerned. And it's not even about enjoying the food - that's more of a guy thing. What women like about it is that it shows you are a 'modern' man, not afraid to work in the kitchen, interested in the finer things. And the food is great, okay. :P

  • LucknowDragon on 2017-03-20 21:43:00 (UTC)

    Another home run Eve! Our Ethereal Angel.

    I am on the other side from these younger guys. I use to be the "nice guy" (I still am but I've learned a few things). In high School College and Professional School I was turned down about as often as one can be. AH but the worm turns.

    For the younger guys trying to figure this stuff out keep in mind a few things:

    1) Younger women are trying to figure themselves out too. They have their own issues they are dealing with and may be making poor decisions themselves.
    2) Confidence and the projection of confidence is very important. Many younger (and older woman) mistake the cockiness of the jerk as a sign of confidence. It never is. In fact it is the opposite of confidence.
    3) While you are being a nice guy don't develop the "stink of desperation" about you. Even if you are naturally anxious, or naturally have a darker mood about you, beware of that desperation vibe. Carry yourself AS IF you have confidence. Head High, good posture, and willing natural smile.
    4) Eve is ABSOLUTELY correct about finding things you enjoy doing. Find other joy in your life. Let the fun and confidence you find in those other activities invade the rest of your life. The self knowledge that you are capable is a magnet all by itself.
    5) Be open and willing to be helpful to her - BUT DO NOT BE A DOORMAT.

    Because you are a regular guy you have learned that life requires effort. As Rocky Balboa said: "Life meets no one half way." So keep good thoughts, maintain a positive energy. Even for those of us who are naturally dark at least let the sun shine through the cloud when you can. it's not easy but the more we practice the better we get. The mystery of your deeper self can be something that she unwraps over time.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:25:16 (UTC)

      aww, thank you so much. Great advice! 💋

  • KyleWambus on 2017-03-20 20:50:48 (UTC) (edited)

    It's funny that you bring up guitar playing because I've been playing the guitar for a decade and played (and sang) in front of people frequently for most of that time, but with no luck with relationships. Then again, I've also been an antisocial hermit for most of my life, and I only started really growing out of that over the last year, so I've reaped what I've sown as the guy below me put it.

    I used to be bitter at the world for my perpetual singleness, but now I'm learning that the best I can do is be "the best Me that Me can be" as I continue to grow as an independent man, and keep expanding my social circle to make friends and someday even a significant other because nothing I do can make me "deserve" a woman's affection.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:24:41 (UTC)

      I know it can be really difficult when you feel as though your talents went unappreciated...maybe I should have added to this episode that part of the problem is that you do have to be approachable, even just so that a woman feels comfortable saying "I really love your singing, etc". Sometimes men give off such a cold vibe that women are actually afraid to speak to them. I know I've been there lots of times. Guys make you feel as though they'll be angry if anyone less than a supermodel dares to bother them. I'm not saying you did this, but this is sometimes how women perceive it. Which is why it's important to do what you were saying- expand your circle, be social, be relaxed and open around people. Good for you! 💋

  • Jandrusel on 2017-03-20 20:09:27 (UTC) (edited)

    I think everyone, at somepoint or another, was a 'nice guy'. You hope that way woman will notice that you're worth the effort. Heck, for a long time I considered myself a 'nice asexual guy'. In high school and college, I heavily questioned that I was a straight guy. I was just a 'thing' that sometimes watched porn just to replace the sensations of human touch. As such, knowing that women would never find me a desirable partner, I always presented myself as their friend or their acquiantance. Because that's what I thought I'll always would be. I had nothing to lose, and not much to win. But at least I could be the 'nice one'.

    I never blamed anyone for my lack of success with girls. I never put myself out there. I never expanded my circle of friends. I never talked to a lot of girls and I tried to distance myself from anything related to sex as much as I could... I reaped what I sowed. But I'm trying to build a life for me. Taking jazz bass guitar lessons, going to the gym, dance lessons, and learning german when I have free time. It's stuff. My stuff. I'm not the greatest at them, but I'm trying.

    Sometimes, I hear my friends talking about their 'dry periods of sex' or their arguments. And sometimes, I give thanks for not knowing what that feels like. As much as I would love to experience love for the first time, I've made it this far without a significant other. So, let's give ourselves a pat in the back for that. Even though I feel good about myself, I doubt that there's someone out there for me. But in the words of Fox Mulder: I want to believe.

    So thank you once again Eve for this podcast. I knew that the topic of niceness would come up on this episode before hitting play. Niceness is good, but you need something else if you want to "get a chick". "Niceness" sometimes screams "desperation". And that road goes a long way down and it's not pretty. Let's own ourselves first, guys. It's easy to call women 'whores' and 'gold-diggers', but don't fall for that. Make yourself great and learn to enjoy your own company. Your mental health and future girlfriend(s) will thank you for it.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:21:51 (UTC)

      Such an awesome attitude, Jan, you continue to 'impress me' (see what I did there) with your wisdom and great attitude to life. And this is your second language too, isn't it? See, there's another point. You're on fire! 💋

    • CharlieRomeoLima on 2017-03-21 03:34:33 (UTC)

      I too agree with all you've said here Jandrusel. As a fellow perpetually single dude I can admire your emotional independence as an individual, and the maturity you demonstrate by owning yourself and your choices. *pat on the back*

      • Jandrusel on 2017-03-21 10:49:06 (UTC)

        Thank you Charlie. I'm really not that mature but I appreciate the compliment. I'm still a bit cynical when it comes to my self-esteem, my sexuality and my life choices. But I've made peace with my past. I hope that you too can find peace and happiness within yourself. I know how hard it is to feel like 'you're missing out' and that you're 'less than a man' for not being with someone. But don't become a prisoner of your thoughts: be proud of yourself for making it this far.

    • Georgio36 on 2017-03-20 23:47:38 (UTC)

      I agree with you man 😊. Also it has a lot to do with how you think. If you speak positive thoughts; then positive things will happen. Do you & what makes you happy. You don't need a woman or relationship to be happy. It can only add to your happiness not be your only source. As for getting a good woman, never say never 💫

      • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:18:27 (UTC)

        Very inspirational and completely true Georgio, thanks for that 💋

      • Jandrusel on 2017-03-21 11:19:42 (UTC)

        I have to remind myself to be more positive sometimes. But yeah, I see so many people clinging to unhealthy relationships or desperate to get into another one just because they fear being alone and single. Relationships are not a plateau or a milestone, Nor it's a promise of happiness. It's a thing that happens between two people. He or she won't make you happier if you're not content with yourself.

        'Never say never', uh? You might be right. Thanks Georgio!

        • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:17:59 (UTC)

          I often tell people - think of something that you did, or something that happened to you, that you never thought would ever happen. For some people it's something personal like losing a lot of weight, for others it's something involving luck like hitting it big in the casino or something. Most of us have something like that somewhere in our lives. And then ask yourself why the same thing couldn't happen with finding a lover?

  • joetinla1967 on 2017-03-20 18:26:54 (UTC) (edited)

    Good morning Miss Eve,
    First things first I'm going to be dating myself regarding John Holms, back in my high school days in the mid 80's I researched and wrote an article for my school paper about his involvement in a local crime (The Wonderland Murders) that took place out here in Los Angeles that of course didn't get printed for obvious reasons and subjected my mother to a meeting with my principal so yes I knew who this gentleman was, as for the the rest of this episode it really hit home several years ago I fell into that exact situation of being the nice guy friend to a woman I really was fond of I lost sight of who I was for a while there but it made me start focusing and rethinking what and how I do things and for the record all women are queens and princess in my eyes so it didn't discourage me at all, there's still a little more work to be done but with your advice I'll get there and as for impressing a woman I love art and music but I tend to be very privet and critical about my painting so I don't really like showing it and believe me I'm no Picasso but it does help me relax, sorry if it sounds like I'm just rambling I'm going in 48 hours at work with only 3 hours of sleep and I'm ready for bed in a big way.
    Thank you for this series, its great.

    • A Eve on 2017-03-22 15:16:15 (UTC)

      You're very welcome, Joe. I hope you know you don't have to be an artistic genius to impress women with it - even just the fact that you have something cool that you do on a regular basis just because you like it makes a big difference.

      And a school project on John Holmes....wow, mad props to you for balls, Joe!